I want to say a big Thank you to all my new and old followers for reading my blog. For the moment I’m into Instagram big time. I love to write here but because my depression is hard at the moment and I find Instagram easier because you can write shorter post. I write lots there. I’m not saying I think writing blog posts are hard but now I get tired whatever I do and that’s why I’m just here sometimes.
On my Instagram I write about the same things I do here.
A thing that I posted on Instagram.
If you want to follow me on Instagram it’s cecilia.helin.39.
I’ll post this in every cathegory so it reaches all of you.
I struggle with my weight. You know that I have compared myself to a sausage because we are stuffed under our skin ready to burst. I don’t know however I feel that some of the fat on my body has turned into muscles. I exercise too much I know that. I have days where I don’t train at all but it’s hard. I want to exercise every day but it’s not healthy. I have to force myself to have exercise free days. I want to loose weight and too much exercise I think makes more harm than good. When you exercise everyday your body never gets to build muscles and burn fat. I have also told you that I can hardly get my jeans on because of all the fat. I think it also has to do with that I’ve gained muscles. I want bigger legs and arms and my legs are bigger. I think both the fat and my new muscles has something to do with me not getting my jeans on.
The thing I should try harder with is food. I can’t go on a diet because then I’m hungry all the time. I know there are diets where you don’t feel hungry but they are complicated and you have to change everything you eat. For example I can’t go without carbs. Everywhere you look carbs is the cause of weight gain and lots more. When I don’t eat carbs I get physically sick. I have to eat something from every food “group” everyday. I try to eat less but then I’m hungry and I eat unhealthy. I don’t eat candy but I haven’t seen that helping with the weight. I will continue with not eating candy though because I feel better without it.
I try and that’s all you can do. My belly is where almost all the fat gather. I have well trained legs and arms and then this chunk of fat on my belly. I do abs exercises everytime I exercise and I think the belly is getting stronger. I’m frustrated because I want the belly to shrink faster than it does. I will keep up with the abs exercise until I see some change.
I have a question. What’s the difference between me and a sausage? None. We both look stuffed ready to burst. We have a surface and an inside that stretches it to the max.
My clothes are easier to get on since I began adding ab workout to my exercise routine however I’m not even near where I want to be. I don’t eat candy any more and I want it to make some difference. It takes a while for any changes in your behaviour to show and I will keep on doing what I do. You want to see changes immediately but when it comes to exercise it takes a while before you see any changes. Me not eating candy is something I’m proud of. I don’t know If it will help but it’s better to not eat candy than to do it.
I have been skinny almost all my life however with age it gets harder to stay that way. I have to think more about what I do and eat. I love food and I don’t want to take the pleasure of eating away but I have to think about what I put in my body. I try to think more healthy when it comes to food.
I had the biggest first world problem today. I mean it can’t get any more first world problematic than this.
I had bought a packet (couldn’t find a better word) of bisquits. It turned out the packet was burgular safe and I couldn’t open it. I tried everything and nothing helped. I tried knives and a pair of scissors.
I feel that we in the “first world” have problem we consider important.
*You’re in the grocery store. After a while in the queue the shopper in front of you put their things on the conveyor belt. When it’s your turn the cashier asks the person in front of you to put up a sign that the cashier is leaving and you have to go to the cashier beside it and of course queue a long time in that queue.
*In the grocery store you choose the cashier where there’s a shorter queue than to the other cashiers. Of course it turns out it was the wrong choice. In you’re queue there are old people paying not with cards but with money. They don’t pay with banknotes they pay with coins which takes forever.
*You buy frozen pizza. It turns out it takes longer to cook it than it says on the box. This makes you angry and you stare at the oven because you think that will make the pizza ready sooner. You have a long discussion with your partner about the time it said it would take to cook it. The world is collapsing but this pizza makes you more angry than that.
*You are buying soap but it turns out all the soaps have every color than the one you color you want. “I can’t have a pink soap in the bathroom. It doesn’t go well with the color of the towels”.
*There is one sausage missing in the sausage”pack”. Dinner is ruined.
I feel that you can’t do much about your mental health. You take your pills your doctor has prescribed. You see your psychologist. I do what I’m supposed to do. I don’t feel it helps with anything actually but I have to trust the professionals. I think I would feel even more ill if I didn’t do what they tell me to. That’s why I do what they tell me.
I’m convinced you can do something when it comes to the physical side though. My advice is to do what ever makes you feel good. If it doesn’t hurt anyone do it. My favorite thing is to treat myself to cake and food I love. I don’t like to cook but when I make something I try to cook my favorite food. I also like to buy cakes, candy and everything I find delicious. I don’t drink alcohol or smoke. I try to eat healthy but it’s not funny never treating yourself to anything.
The bread “departement” in the grocery store I buy the main part of my food in has lots of delicious treats. They have bread of course but it’s the sweet treats that interests me. I feel my depression getting less painful when I look and smell all the cakes and candy. I often buy lots of different cakes to have many sweets to choose from at home. I don’t over eat or anything but a piece of cake a day makes everything better.
I love all bread. I crave bread. I don’t know what kind of bread’s that are popular in your country. In Sweden ” Åkes (male name) hönökaka” is popular. It’s a flat soft bread.
I hadn’t bought it in a while and when I bought it recently I saw a funny thing on the package. There is a picture of “Åke” on it. I’m sure that he smoked a pipe before. Now he doesn’t. There’s a smoking ban everywhere. Now a smoking ban even on bread packages. I like that you can’t smoke everywhere but on bread…… I know why Åke has quit smoking. Smoking is bad and that could make you think the bread is bad.
I don’t think anyone has thought about “Åke’s” not smoking anymore. I don’t know why they removed the pipe. I don’t think anyone making a “Åke” sandwich saw the pipe and thought they wan’t to smoke. I have never made a sandwich and suddenly had a craving for pipes.
I like pastries. Yesterday was “Gustav adolfs” day in Sweden. I’m not an expert on why we celebrate that day but the main thing is that we eat pastries. When you hear “Gustav adolfs” day you think about whipped cream and unhealthy things.
My mom had the important mission to buy pastries for her and I. She went to some places cause they were hard to find. There either weren’t any. That or they were sold out. She found a coffee shop that had the pastries. Or not any “Gustav adolf” pastries but everyday pastries where they put a portrait made by chocolate of that Gustav man. I think they made a pastry for this day before but I don’t know if they make it anymore.
My mom bought four pastries. The coffee shop had two different pastries with the chocolate Gustav. She bought two of each. One was a chocolate pastry. It was a chocolate cake topped with chocolate mousse. The second was a “Napoleon” pastry. That is a pastry with whipped cream between layers of puff pastry.
The chocolate one was a bit much. I couldn’t eat the whole pastry. I did eat the whole “Napoleon” though. And I ate both on the same day.