Surrender

I have been depressed for a long time. At first I didn’t know I was depressed. I knew but cause I had felt sad for a long time my sadness had become a normal state of mind. I cried everyday and I felt trapped. Everything I had enjoyed doing I didn’t do anymore. I never laughed.

I knew about depression but because my normal state of sadness was…….normal I didn’t think about it that way. Someone had to tell me I was ill. Realizing how ill I was I broke down. I cried my eyes out. I surrendered and felt how helpless I was.

The hardest aspect of surrender was that the doctor I had said I couldn’t work. I don’t know if reporting sick is the right phrase but she wrote a note and she said I should give it to my boss. I often think about everyone else but me. I could take the depression but not that it would involve my co workers. I remember that day. I went to a co worker and told her. She helped me with everything.

I struggled a long time with the feeling I had let people down because I couldn’t work. Don’t be afraid to get help when you suffer from any illness. Often it is easier to admit to yourself how you feel than to everyone else. Put yourself first.

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Pickled herring

I think every country has “national” food that makes many wonder why they eat it. Food that the rest of the world wouldn’t eat even if they were paid to do it. For example I don’t get why some countries insists on eating haggis. I know that it comes from an era where you ate everything on animals but now a days it’s crazy. I don’t think it’s wrong to eat it but it’s not something I crave. Sweden has pickled herring.

I don’t eat pickled fish but many in Sweden do. It’s often eaten during holidays but lots eat it more often. I don’t get how anyone willingly put this in their mouths. It’s raw fish in vinegar. It tastes like………fish in vinegar. The fish texture and vinegar taste are sickening. The texture is soft and hard almost like pickled mushrooms. I’ve intended to learn to like them on many occasions but I can’t even have a small bite. My mom said I used to like them but I can’t believe I did.

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Vegan burger

I think I love everything that’s vegan. There are many vegan ready meals to choose from. That makes eating vegan no trouble at all. I always make vegan  casseroles and those kinds of food myself. Some things like vegan hamburgers I have to buy cause I don’t know how to create a tasty burger. Haha I used vegan in every line!

I have found a yummy green burger. It’s a green kale burger. Green kale is healthy and that feels good when you include it in a meal. I think they taste better than meat burgers. For all of you that want to eat more vegan or vegans that don’t know what to eat sometimes buy green burgers. There are burgers for everyone.

I served this kale burger with potato gratin. I sliced potatoes and mixed them with cream and milk. I didn’t have plant based cream and milk and used normal cows things. I would have cooked with vegan milk if I had it. I baked the gratin and the burgers in the oven. 200 C 30 minutes. Yummy.

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Better

I haven’t traveled or anything like that. That’s not why I’ve been absent. I want to tell you there’s been a crazy time. Instead I’ve had every flu that’s out there. I fell sick and when I though I was through with it I got sick again. I am the happiest when I do nothing however this was more than nothing. I couldn’t do anything.

I do a little post this time. I have to tell you I ate more candy than normal during this. I know sugar isn’t a flu cure but it helps. We currently have these candy bags and they’ll help me getting well.

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There’s honestly one more bag somewhere. You can’t have enough sugary goodies.

Safety

I love all animals. I feel safe with animals. They want you for you and don’t have hidden motives. They trust you and they do everything to make you feel good. I don’t know what I would do without Kajsa. I used to have no strength and cried all day. Now I have Kajsa. I have to think of her and put her first. I think whatever animal you have they’re the best cure for any illness. I would have a deeper depression if I didn’t have Kajsa.

I was diagnosed with depression a long time ago. I couldn’t work or do anything then. I survived cause I was dogsitting a dog when her family wanted me to. I loved that dog. She felt like my dog because I had her often. She was there and didn’t mind if I was sad. Kajsa is wilder than the “rescue” dog however I love her.

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Away

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I don’t know how time can fly that fast. I thought I would have a little blog break but it lasted a long while.

I had to do nothing for a while. My depression was getting crazy. I knew it was bad when I all I wanted to do was cry. I’ve learned that if I’m not careful I can crash down the depression hole and it’s hard to get well. I’ve often ignored how I’ve felt and that made me unable to do anything cause I got sicker than ever. After having a depression this long I know I have to think about myself what I want. I think we all often think we have to be there for everyone but ourselves. With that out of the way I hope you’re doing wonderful.

 

Buying

-Honey we only got 24 eggs.

-No! You have to buy more.

24 eggs. That’s enough to make 6 cakes. 5 omelettes. That makes more scrambled eggs and egg sandwiches than you can eat. And they expire in 4 days………..

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Hair removal

Before I begin writing I must say it’s not easy to talk about this but I’ll do it anyway.

I know many women are obsessed when it comes to remove unwanted hair. We want thick hair on our head and no hair anywhere else. We wax and tweeze and we can never remove enough hair. I think it’s crazy but that’s the way things work.

I don’t know about you but the hair on my upper lip is hard to remove. It’s soft and short and a tweezer doesn’t help. It sounds good to have short hair but when there are thousands hair strands you want to remove them. All that hair takes a long time when you use a tweezer. I’ve found the perfect method for it. Threading.

I went and did it a while ago. I did it at a hair salong. It was a hair dresser that did the threading. It was painful but no more than when you use tweezers or wax. The hair dresser used a piece of thread and removed the hair. Like I said it was painful but not unpleasant. The hair dresser was good at it and did it fast. The skin on my upper lip was a bit red after but that went away fast.

Now I have no upper lip hair. I will never use tweezers again because this was the best.

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Oven pasta.

Sometimes I manage to make a dinner that I didn’t think would taste as good as it did. You know when you put together many ingredients and you don’t know how it will taste . Today I made this kind of dinner and it was more than good. Oven cooked bacon and fresh pasta in a tin.

I fried sliced bacon in a pan until it became crispy . I always cook bacon a bit before I put it in the oven. You get that yummy texture and you know that the bacon is cooked. Raw bacon is not good.

In an oven tin I put fresh pasta. I always use fresh pasta when I’m doing pasta dinners that has to do with the oven. You don’t have to boil fresh pasta before you put it in the oven and that makes everything smoother.

I added the bacon to the pasta. I also added sugar snap peas, butter, sliced carrots, milk, salt and pepper. I also put some cheese on it.

I baked it in the oven at 200 C for 20 minutes.

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It tasted better than the mess in the picture.

 

 

 

 

Sugar

Anxiety. Chocolate cake and whipped cream helps.

Depression. Chocolate cake and whipped cream helps with that also.

Anxiety and depression at the same time. Chocolate cake, whipped cream and berries helps.

When that doesn’t help have not only one but two pieces of cake. With more whipped cream and berries.

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