Well

I’ve had to take time off. Kajsa had surgery a while ago. Not surgery but teeth cleaning at the vet. They sedate animals when they do that. There’s a risk with sedating that the animal won’t wake up from it. I know that almost never happen but you never know.

Last surgery Kajsa had I almost lost her. That was when she was neutered. I know that was more surgery involved than teeth cleaning but I thought it would be like that this time too.

I brush Kajsas teeth. When I’m depressed I don’t do it cause I’m too sad. It was those non brushing times that made her teeth brown. The vet said it wasn’t bad but I wanted to clean them before they became a problem.

I took her to the vet early. They said I could get her later that day. I couldn’t relax and thought they would call and tell me Kajsa didn’t make it. They called and I thought that was it. I was excited when they instead wanted me to get her earlier.

They said Kajsa was barking and getting crazy. She can’t be alone and I think she didn’t want to be by herself when the vet staff had to leave her.

I got to the vet and I thought Kajsa would be crazy but she was quiet. She was with the vet staff in the “office room”. She was calm cause she wasn’t alone.

She has clean white teeth now!

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Vegetarian

-Honey we only got 10 vegetarian schnitzels!

-The ones we don’t like?

-Those ones!

-We have to buy more now!

We don’t eat these schnitzels but someone bought them cause they were on sale. Someone…… not me.

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Dog blog

This is Kajsa. I am the dog mom writes about sometimes. My mom is feeling depressed now and she can`t do anything. I said I could write instead of her for once. Honestly I didn`t say that I secretly decided to do that. My mom says I bark a lot and I thought I would bark some in this blog.

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I`m five years old. I`m almost older than my mom when I count my age in human years. My mom hopes every birthday will make me calmer but it doesn`t. I`m a crazy dog and we keep our crazy the whole life. We bark and run around. Terriers are crazy.

 

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I can be calm sometimes.

 

I have begun to run away, I said I was crazy. When my mom leaves the front door open without looking I run. I run down to the apartment building`s frontdoor and if that`s open too, freedom! Usually it`s not open and that makes me feel freedom is near but far away! You know what I mean. I can smell the air outside but a door is in my way. My mom says I will give her a heartattack some day.

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I love footballs. I could chase footballs, or soccer balls, all day. I don`t care about anything when I play with one. I can play with balls both big and small. I don`t get to play with little balls anymore because my mom says I won`t let go of them. I don`t care big balls makes me happy anyway.

This dog has things to do now. I have to leave you with these thoughts. Life is better when you`re crazy.

 

Pangoodies

I didn`t know there were all this types of pancakes. I thought there were the crèpe, swedish pancake, and the american with baking powder. The swedish pancake is like a crèpe. It`s flat and thin. The american pancake is thicker. Anyway there are lots of pancakes.

I like the swedish pancake more than the american. It`s the baking powder in the american I don`t like. I had it when I had brunch long ago and I thought it would taste wonderful. I was disappointed. I think my preference when it comes to food is that it should taste mild and I only like the things I liked when I was younger. Limiting I know.

I never use a recipe when it comes to pancakes. I began going by the smell of the batter to know it was the way it should. Now I`ve made it many times and know how it should be. I couldn`t write about pancakes and not leave any explanation on how to make them. Because of that I tried to think about how much I use of the ingredients.

8 pancakes makes two servings and for that I used

50 gr melted butter (heartattack waiting to happen it’s lots)

4 eggs 

7 dl milk

4 dl flour

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Mix all ingredients. The texture should be like a white sauce.

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Even with the enormous amount of butter in the batter I put additional butter in the pan for every pancake I make. Every pancake should fill the whole bottom of the pan.

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Eat them with jam and whipped cream.

 

Caring

I think hair is big business. When you don`t feel fine about your hair you`re miserable. It doesn`t mean you think about your hair all the time but if it`s not what you like it`s hard.

I`ve cut my hair myself for a long time. I do it because it`s expensive to go to a hairdresser. I only trim my ends and to pay 100 dollars to do that is a lot. I do it too because of the way hairdressers treat my hair. They always want cut layers in my hair. That can be wonderful if your hair looks good in it. My hair looks like I`ve got two different hairstyles with layers. Hair dressers say “I cut layers in your hair” but they could say “you get two hairstyles in one cut”. My hair is more than straight and that`s why layers looks like that, layers.

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The thing I don`t want in a hair salon is a blow out. It feels like they pull out every hair. I say that I don`t want that round brush tearing apart my hair in the blow dryer but they can`t help them selves. They say they will dry a little but then they get their brush and dryer and make my scalp burn. I get many demand a blow out however I can`t stand it.

I use oil on my hair because I have tangles. When I don`t put oil on I can`t brush my hair because of the tangles. My favorite hair products come from Marc Anthony. This oil Repairing Macadamia Oil Treatment makes my hair soft and without tangles. It lasts a long time.

 

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Not the best focused picture.

 

Shaving

I like being a woman. I like it but it`s not easy. We should have much hair on our head. On our body and “down below” it`s another story. Every woman should be an open field with no hair on our body and private parts!

This hair free trend is crazy to me. When I grew up no one removed hair like we do now. If someone would say back then they waxed their private parts we would be like why???? No one of my friends removed more than the hair on their legs. I don`t even think “private parts waxing” was available then. We used desposable razors and used soap as shaving foam. We shaved our bikini area too but that was it. Now it`s more normal to remove every hair on your body than not to. I do think maintaining your body hair is good and I wax and use hair removal cream but I`m not completely bare.

I do think a body without hair is more attractive. The media is constantly showering us with images of hair free bodies and it`s hard to not get affected by it. I don`t want to look at it like that but if someone would have hair on their legs I would want to give them a razor. “I had this razor laying around and thought you could use it”.

I have sensitive skin and hair removal is harsh on it. I can`t use razors because that makes my skin breakout in red spots. When I`ve shaved my legs I`ve used new razors and lots of foam but the red spots show up anyway. It`s the easiest way to remove hair but not for me.

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Last time I removed hair I used a hair removal cream. I`ve used that brand before and it has been fine but this time I tried another one of their products. I got red spots everywhere. The removal cream I normally use is faster working than the latest one I tried. I think it was the time thing that made me break out. If you have trouble with shaving spots try removal cream with a short “working process”.

My favorite hair removal product is waxes. It takes time to do it but my skin tolerates it. The best waxes are the hard and soft ones. You heat the wax up put it on your skin and remove it with strips. The best way to do waxes is to have it done at a salon. I would do it more often if I had the money. Typical that the most expensive method is the best one.

Thoughts

Kajsa and me have these thoughts today.

This is the biggest Cornflakes we’ve seen. It’s bigger than Kajsa. I could put her in it and there would still be space for many things. I tried to put a dinner plate beside it to show how big it is but it didn’t help. It’s 1 kilo and massive! “Family pack”. It will last long. I like cornflakes and this was the only one they had but it’s big!

-Honey we need more cornflakes.

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Kajsa couldn’t care less. Beautiful and careless.

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Vanderpump rules. What’s wrong with them. They drink and fight. Jax has had a boob reduction!

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Candy!

Deep thoughts!

 

Accepting

I have had many rather insane things happen to me when it comes to the psychiatric care. I wouldn`t be this depressed if it had been “smooth sailing”. I`ve had doctors not doing what they should and because I`m “too healthy to be ill” I often haven`t been treated like I`m ill. I`m not well but because I`m not like what most consider a depressed to be like many don`t understand how bad I feel. There are no stereotypical depressed but many think there are. When you don`t behave like this stereotypical depressed you get treated like you are well.

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I`ve been in the psychiatric care a long time. In the beginning I was happy that someone realized how I felt. I did everything I was told without giving it a thought. I remember how I, I even do this to some point today, said what I felt was the right thing to say to doctors and therapists. I felt like if I said the truth which often wasn`t what doctors had in mind they would be offended or I would be considered not being depressed. Now I`ve learned you have to stick up for yourself. You don`t have to be mean or anything but you have to stick up for yourself.

The doctor I have now is okey. The only thing is that he is like most doctors. They don`t think outside the box. They subscribe the medicines they do all the time. I`ve tried some new medicines but like most of the time they don`t work. A medicine like anti-depressant take time to work. I know that and when a medicine hasn`t made anything better after a while you know it won`t work. A while ago the doctor I have wanted me to try a anti-anxiety medicine I haven`t tried before. I`ll do anything to feel better and thought it was a wonderful idea. Until the doctor told me about it. It had lots of restrictions to it. You couldn`t take much more else than it. When a medicine is like this at least I know it must be bad to you.

Inspite all restrictions I tried the medicine. I felt sick at once. Physically sick. However I wanted to give it time. Lots of medicines make you feel sick in the beginning. I went to my doctor and he said it shouldn`t make you feel like that and that I should keep on taking it. I did but it got bad. I lost my appetite, felt sick and my bowls felt like they exploded. I was on the toilet all day for a long time. My old self would have been a good patient and kept taking the medicine. I would endured the all day toilet visits and never minded the rapid weight loss because of them. My new self decided to stop taking the medicine and don`t care. I haven`t been to the doctor for a while and he doesn`t know I`ve stopped taking the medicine. He won`t think I`m a perfect client but I don`t care!

 

Heartbroken

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You and me long ago. I know it was long ago but I sometimes feel the thorn you planted in my heart. The thorn that reminds me you were my first love. My first love that broke my heart. I know we weren`t meant to be but I have never forgotten about you.

Don`t think I haven`t moved on. I did long ago. It was half a lifetime ago we were together and I almost don`t think about you anymore. Only sometimes when I get reminded of you. I`ve been in love many times after I had you and I never thought about you then. I`ve found love and never compared them to you.

I think about you when I feel sad. Sadness and heartbreak are the same to me. The feeling that you never will feel joy again is the same with sadness and heartbreak. I never thought I would find anyone after you but I did. I did and I was in love.

I never cry because of you anymore. I did that a long time ago. I hid my tears from everyone but I cried all the time. I cried because my heart was in pieces. I never thought my tears would end.

You will never know this. I won`t let you even think you`re in my thoughts.