Caring

I have this caring side. I am very emphatic. VERY emphatic. It’s not that positive. I love that I never hurt anyone. I almost never get a bad conscience cause I’ve said or done anything hurtful. But it can be very exhausting. I sense how everyone feel. When I meet someone their thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks. I can’t be in a crowded place for too long because I get tired.

I can’t read thoughts or anything crazy like that but I sense feelings and moods. I’ve never stood up for myself. I’m lots better at that now but not enough. It comes with age that you get more secure about stuff like that, but when I was younger I never stood up for myself. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I remember when I applied for a job as a switchboard operator for a motorcycle taxi company. Apparently did the (male) interviewer think I was too nice which wasn’t what they looked for in a operator. He rudely said their employees shouldn’t be like me. I should have told him to f…. off but instead I apologized! I didn’t want to hurt him.

I think my depression to some extent comes from feeling too much empathy. To only think about everyone around you can make you ill. I struggle with this everyday. I’m better but not quite there.

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I can’t cut flowers because I think it hurts them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Salad

I don’t like raw vegetables. I eat it but I don’t like it. Raw vegetables don’t have much taste. Not in Sweden anyway. It could be that we don’t grow every veggie and on the way from where they’re bought from they loose their taste. I know it’s healthy to eat green things and that’s why I do it. I like cooked greens but sometimes you have to eat them raw to get all the vitamins and things.

My favorite, and almost the only way I can eat raw vegetables are in salads. Salads with not only raw things in it but some form of proteins. Veggies have many benefits but they don’t contain much protein. Bacon is my first choice when it comes to salads. Salty and delicious.

This salad has both bacon and boiled eggs in it. It can be hard to know what to put in a sallad but bacon and eggs are a good choice. The veggies are tomatoes, melon, red peppers, cucumbers, salad and onions. Today’s dinner idea.

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Have to

I get it I couldn’t get it more. I’m the best blogger. I do everything right. No I’m not. I have been more absent than ever. I have been depressed but the biggest reason why is something I haven’t written about. OCD. I suffer from severe OCD.This is nothing I like talking about. But like depression OCD gets a stigma about it when no one mentions it.

Most have some OCD. It can be everything from cleanliness to obsessions with turning off electrical objects and much more. For those with minor OCD it doesn’t affect them much. My OCD has something to do with everything I do. I haven’t posted anything for what seems like forever because my OCD couldn’t find a proper date for my next post to be written on. I know it’s hilarious how a date can be that important that you can’t post anything until it feels right. My logical side knows that but my OCD side usually gets the upper hand and decides my actions. Everything about OCD is crippling. You can’t do anything without having to think about it. 

I leave it for now. I’ll write more about it but not now.

 

Vegan hamburger

Today’s dinner: vegan hamburger.

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Most vegan burgers are frozen and already cooked. They are delicious. This hamburger however was frozen but raw. It was bigger than most vegan burgers.

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I cooked it the way I cook raw meat burgers, in a frying pan. I seasoned it with salt and pepper.

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The burgers tasted like sausages. We didn’t have much vegetables. We had onions and tomatoes and used that. We also added ketchup, mustard and hamburger dressing to the burgers.

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Prawn bomb

I don’t know why take away food tastes better than food you make. I’ve never figured out how to make pizza. I’ve made it myself but it never tastes as the ones you buy from pizza restaurants. That’s one example. I would never try to make indian food.

In Sweden sandwich cakes are one of our favourite take away food. It’s layers of bread with different fillings. The base is mayonaise and you can mix it with whatever you want. Today we had a “prawn bomb”. To no ones surprise it’s a sandwich cake filled with prawns. It’s the best take away sandwich cake.

I would never try to make a prawn bomb myself one more time because in a moment of bravery I did. It seems easy but it’s not. You think all you have to do is put mayonaise and prawns on bread. I tried to make it but it came out a mess. It became a disgusting pile of soggy bread and runny mayonaise. There were crawfish everywhere.

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Getting better

I want to get well. I don’t want my anxiety and depression. I don’t want to feel like I do all the time. All this time I’ve been trying to get better and I get nothing for it. When you take care of yourself and you don’t do drugs to sedate yourself you don’t get the help you should get. Not me anyway.

I don’t know how it is in your country, in Sweden it’s hard to get a doctor. There are no doctors. To get a doctor specialized in the mental area are impossible. I’ve had specialized doctors however for a while I’ve had “normal” ones that doesn’t know much when it comes to mental health. Because of the shortage of specialized doctors the clinic I belong to has had to employ the doctors that are available. They don’t get anything.

I take care of myself and it’s like the doctors don’t get that you can feel ill because of that. I shower and keep myself presentable. I don’t know why I shouldn’t feel depressed because of that.

 

Craigslist

I think Craigslist is an all american thing. You could use it everywhere but I don’t know any users or have heard it mentioned in Sweden. Here or anywhere outside of USA. I’ve read about it though and don’t get how anyone can even think about using it. I know the news only cover the disgusting things that happens there. Many good things probably goes on but the bad things are….bad.

The thing I would never use Craigslist for is housing. It seems like everyone is a murderer in that section. On the lighter side when it comes to bad things in the housing section, I read about a man that would rent out his home for free to groups of women that wanted somewhere to stay during holidays. “All” he wanted was to do “naughty” things with them. Disgusting. The women that he aimed for probably went on holiday to get away from husbands and boyfriends. No woman in their right mind would even consider answering that ad.

I also read about a man that wanted a female roommate. Her rent was to be a girlfriend whenever he wanted to. Girlfriend. Right. Disgusting.

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Pancakes

I think many think (many think) of american pancakes whenever you mention pancakes (many pancakes). The thick smaller pancake. It contains baking powder. In Sweden pancakes are crepe like flat pancakes. I like them. I’ve tried the american pancakes but I didn’t think they tasted that good. I’m used to the swedish pancake and I think that’s why I didn’t like it.

I never make swedish pancakes from a recipe because I ‘ve made them since I was very young. I know what texture the pancake batter should be. I think you would love these pancakes and I found a recipe that looked good.

This makes 8 pancakes.

3 dl wheat flour

6 dl milk

3 eggs

0,5 tsp salt

2 tbs butter (I always use more)

Melt the butter. Mix the butter and the rest of the ingredienser together.

Use a little bit of butter in the frying pan for every pancake.

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Fill the whole (hot) frying pan with a thin layer of pancake batter. Flip the pancake when it sets.

Serve with jam or whatever you prefer. I serve mine with a mountain of sugar. Delicious.

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Pore less

I think we all want to hide skin pores. I know I do. I’ve got lots of rather large pores. Make up can hide them but I don’t want them at all. I want them gone. I didn’t have much visible pores when I was younger. Today there are pores everywhere.

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Something that has made my skin much better “pore wise” is Biore self heating maskBiore has many products and the majoritet are on the deep cleaning side. What I like the most when it comes to this mask is that it only takes one minute for it to do what it should. Most masks should be left on your skin for a long time and it is often too long. You can actually feel it deep cleaning your pores when you use it. Wonderful.

The Biore mask contains of four sachets with mask. When you put it on your face it gets warm. You massage it in for a while then rinse it off. Your skin looks clean and healthy. No pores.

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dav

 

Vegetarian bacon

I try to eat vegetarian food often. I try to eat vegetarian food more often than I eat meat. I don’t think meat is good for me. I feel sick both in body and mind when I eat too much meat. I would like to eat strictly vegan food but I can’t because I think plant based milk and those things are……. not tasty. I’ve tried many plant based products but I can’t drink or eat them. Vegan food is tasty like vegan sausages but not the “milk” products. 

I like the vegetarian diet better. I avoid meat but I drink milk and eat eggs. When it comes to vegetarian and vegan  food too there are many ready made alternatives to choose from. I have many vegetarian ready made things in my freezer. It’s no trouble to cook vegetarian things from scratch like tomatoe sauces but sometimes I like to make something fast.

My favorite vegetarian ready made food is soy bacon. It tastes like bacon and is delicious in pasta sauces. The texture is like a sausage, which isn’t that nice, but because I mix it in sauces I don’t think about it. I like meat bacon but because it’s meat I have tried to replace it with the vegetarian alternative.

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This is the bacon straight from the freezer.