Hair revealing

I had one embarrasing thing happen to me. I don’t think I have ever told anyone this. This was a long time ago. It was that long ago that it was before the shaving era we’re in now. It has to do with shaving let me write that much. Back then no one shaved “down there”. You shaved your bikini line and that was it. There were no beauty salons that waxed everything off. Today most women shave or wax lots of down there hair.

Me, my boyfriend then, his friend and his girlfriend planned to have a day at a public swimming pool. It was indoors and it was a few different swimming pools to chose from. We wanted to play in one of the pools and have fun. For this I shaved my bikini line “around” the bathing suite. I didn’t do anything about the actual down there hair. It was long and wild but I thought no one would know because of the bathing suit would hide it.

We went to the swimming hall. Me and the friends girlfriend changed to bathing suits in the locker room. We entered the pool area. The four of us had a good time in the pool. I had a good time until this happened. We played and jumped from the side of the pool. I don’t know how it happened but I jumped up from the pool and for a short second I was sitting on the edge of the pool. The same second I sat there my boyfriend’s friend came up from being under the pool water with his head “landing” between my legs. And that wasn’t enough. I also found my wild and long down there hair spreading down my legs from under my bathing suite. I had his head between my legs with my private parts hair everywhere. I put it under my bathing suit however he had seen it all. I’ll never forget it. Neither will he probably. Funny story.

dav

Hairy women

I am one hairy woman. I know it is more common than you think. No hairy woman I know is proud about it and we keep quiet about it. That is why it’s embarrasing. No one talks about it. You don’t hear any women at your job sittning in the coffee break room saying “me and monkeys have something in common, fur.”

Women having body and face hair are hiding it. We do everything to both hide and remove it. I have tried every method available. I have never shaved my face because I know that it would make every shaven hair grow out of hand. They say face hair doesn’t get dark and coarse when you shave it however I know my hair would. I wax my face. I have tried tweezers but that takes a whole day to remove all hair. I love face wax because it doesn’t take long to do your whole face. This is my favorit.

Veet wax strips. 

I wash my face when I am about to wax it. Face creams and dirt make the wax strips useless. The strips don’t stick to your skin and hair when you have creams in the way. I never wax an area more than one time. When you do you get burn marks. When I have waxed I use an oil to heal the skin and remove excess wax residue.

Release

I have felt very bad. That is why I have not written anything. Some days I have felt that I don’t want to keep on struggling with my illnesses. I should be used to feeling mentally done but I don’t think you ever do that. The feeling I have is that I have to release all the negativity. I want to feel something good. It’s not something you do fast. It takes a while but I am doing everything to get there.

I want to cry however I can’t. The medicine I take doesn’t take away the sadness but I can’t cry. Nothing helps as good as crying but when you can’t you keep it inside. It feels as though I will break down because I can’t get some crying action. I could not take anything to help with the sadness but everyone who has a mental illness and doesn’t take anything knows how bad that is.

dav

There is one positive side to this I don’t eat all that candy I used to devour.

 

Merry wishes

I wish and want everyone to have a merry christmas.

I have a non eventful christmas. With time I have found that I celebrate christmas with my mental health in mind. I spend it with those I love and not those I don’t want to have around.

Merry christmas.

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Approach

I have lots to tell you. Not lots however explain where I’ve been. I have never told you why I suffer from anxiety and all that. It’s because of how my life was as a kid. My mom had a man who was an alcoholic. They lived together for most of my younger years. I don’t want to tell you too much about it because when I do my anxiety and everything I suffer from gets bad. That’s why I haven’t been able to write anything.

For some years I’ve been going to a center that treats mental illnesses. From the beginning I’ve wanted to come to terms with what I experienced when I was young but nothing has come from it. For example I’ve been seeing a therapist for a while. We have these meaningless conversations about everyday things. I’ve mentioned the alcoholic man and I’ve said I wanted to treat everything that came from that. Everytime I talked about it I’ve gotten more depressed and everytime the therapist didn’t do anything. Everytime I’ve also said it affected me too much to not do anything about it.

Now the therapist has said we can’t keep meeting because it leads no where. That’s because we have avoided the reason I feel bad. To talk about nothing instead of why I have all these feelings is why our talks leads no where.

We haven’t more than talked a little about the alcoholic man but it has made me more depressed than ever. That’s why I haven’t written anything. Now I think my therapist have gotten that I can never feel better without approaching the hard times. We’ll see.

Smoking ban

I love all bread. I crave bread. I don’t know what kind of bread’s that are popular in your country. In Sweden ” Åkes (male name) hönökaka” is popular. It’s a flat soft bread.

I hadn’t bought it in a while and when I bought it recently I saw a funny thing on the package. There is a picture of “Åke” on it. I’m sure that he smoked a pipe before. Now he doesn’t. There’s a smoking ban everywhere. Now a smoking ban even on bread packages. I like that you can’t smoke everywhere but on bread…… I know why Åke has quit smoking. Smoking is bad and that could make you think the bread is bad.

I don’t think anyone has thought about “Åke’s” not smoking anymore. I don’t know why they removed the pipe. I don’t think anyone making a “Åke” sandwich saw the pipe and thought they wan’t to smoke. I have never made a sandwich and suddenly had a craving for pipes.

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Caring

I have this caring side. I am very emphatic. VERY emphatic. It’s not that positive. I love that I never hurt anyone. I almost never get a bad conscience cause I’ve said or done anything hurtful. But it can be very exhausting. I sense how everyone feel. When I meet someone their thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks. I can’t be in a crowded place for too long because I get tired.

I can’t read thoughts or anything crazy like that but I sense feelings and moods. I’ve never stood up for myself. I’m lots better at that now but not enough. It comes with age that you get more secure about stuff like that, but when I was younger I never stood up for myself. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I remember when I applied for a job as a switchboard operator for a motorcycle taxi company. Apparently did the (male) interviewer think I was too nice which wasn’t what they looked for in a operator. He rudely said their employees shouldn’t be like me. I should have told him to f…. off but instead I apologized! I didn’t want to hurt him.

I think my depression to some extent comes from feeling too much empathy. To only think about everyone around you can make you ill. I struggle with this everyday. I’m better but not quite there.

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I can’t cut flowers because I think it hurts them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Salad

I don’t like raw vegetables. I eat it but I don’t like it. Raw vegetables don’t have much taste. Not in Sweden anyway. It could be that we don’t grow every veggie and on the way from where they’re bought from they loose their taste. I know it’s healthy to eat green things and that’s why I do it. I like cooked greens but sometimes you have to eat them raw to get all the vitamins and things.

My favorite, and almost the only way I can eat raw vegetables are in salads. Salads with not only raw things in it but some form of proteins. Veggies have many benefits but they don’t contain much protein. Bacon is my first choice when it comes to salads. Salty and delicious.

This salad has both bacon and boiled eggs in it. It can be hard to know what to put in a sallad but bacon and eggs are a good choice. The veggies are tomatoes, melon, red peppers, cucumbers, salad and onions. Today’s dinner idea.

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Have to

I get it I couldn’t get it more. I’m the best blogger. I do everything right. No I’m not. I have been more absent than ever. I have been depressed but the biggest reason why is something I haven’t written about. OCD. I suffer from severe OCD.This is nothing I like talking about. But like depression OCD gets a stigma about it when no one mentions it.

Most have some OCD. It can be everything from cleanliness to obsessions with turning off electrical objects and much more. For those with minor OCD it doesn’t affect them much. My OCD has something to do with everything I do. I haven’t posted anything for what seems like forever because my OCD couldn’t find a proper date for my next post to be written on. I know it’s hilarious how a date can be that important that you can’t post anything until it feels right. My logical side knows that but my OCD side usually gets the upper hand and decides my actions. Everything about OCD is crippling. You can’t do anything without having to think about it. 

I leave it for now. I’ll write more about it but not now.

 

Vegan hamburger

Today’s dinner: vegan hamburger.

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Most vegan burgers are frozen and already cooked. They are delicious. This hamburger however was frozen but raw. It was bigger than most vegan burgers.

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I cooked it the way I cook raw meat burgers, in a frying pan. I seasoned it with salt and pepper.

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The burgers tasted like sausages. We didn’t have much vegetables. We had onions and tomatoes and used that. We also added ketchup, mustard and hamburger dressing to the burgers.

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