I know I have written lots about my anxiety and depression. Today I’m writing about something that happens very rarely or not at all. It’s when you feel mentally fine for a while. Yesterday I had one of those days. I was severely depressed but I could feel some happiness inside me somewhere. I didn’t have this feeling that everything is dark and I feel like I can’t go on. I didn’t feel this the whole day but for a while.
Then to what happens to me after one of those days. I feel DEPRESSED. My anxiety and depression feels overwhelming. It’s like I punish myself “how can you even think about feeling some happiness now you have to suffer.” This happens everytime. I feel extremely tired and can’t do anything. I wonder how I can have these differences in how I feel. And why I can’t feel good for longer periods of time. I have my medicines and they should help me from getting these roller coasters of emotions.
Something else that makes me feel sicker is when the doctor wants me to cut down on how much I take of certain medicines. I’m all for trying to take less medicine but it never works. I feel too depressed to keep cutting down. The thing with medicines for anxiety and depression is that it takes a while before you notice any change when you either cutting down or increasing the dosage. When you cut down you feel the changes faster. When you increase the dosage or try a new medicine it takes a long time before you feel anything. Sometimes you don’t feel that a medicine helps before your taking less of it. With medicines for mental illness you don’t suddenly feel “I’m happy”. You often feel that it doesn’t make a difference. Until you take less of it. Then you feel the importance of taking medicines to help you have the best life you can.