Happy

I’ve had a bad depression for a while now. It has made me unable to do anything. Sometimes it helps to talk about it here but not lately. I had to take time off everything and break down. I have felt sick because I was that sad. I have felt that I don’t want to carry on. Now I have to do what I can to get better.

I have to find my happiness somehow. I know I can’t keep on feeling sad. Sad isn’t right rather devastated. I can’t have my depression decide anything anymore.

I’m strong.

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Better

It’s a long time since I was here. The reason is a complete breakdown. I felt for a while how my depression got deeper. I tried to get better myself but nothing made me feel happy. Then I literary crashed. I felt weak and lost hope for everything. I wanted to lock myself in a room and never come out. If you’ve never had a depression it’s hard to know the feeling but I felt that nothing made sense.

I thought I was over those depression episodes but I wasn’t. Even if you’re on a medication you can get ill whenever you’re least expect it. I feel better now however I have to think about what I do. I can’t do everything at once. That’s what got me this ill. You have to think about what’s best for you not those around you. I only do a short post today.

 

 

Crying

I feel more depressed than I have in a while. I have felt more and more stressed. I’ve had lots to do. I know my depression gets hysterical when I don’t get to calm down. I have a rule I normally don’t overstep. I try to not have more to do than I remember without writing it down. A “bit” confusing explanation.

I mean I never plan more than I remember without using a planner. A more confusing explanation but you know what I mean. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted lots to do. When I’ve been stressed for a long while I get light headed. I get that feeling I want to cry. The medicines I have make me not able to cry but I feel the sadness. If I would try to explain my depression and stress I would compare it to the feeling you get before you cry.

I haven’t had to use a planner to remember what to do but I’ve had more to do than I want to. I’ve had to cancel many projects ahead cause I don’t want to crash into a full blown depression. Nothing beats feeling the best possible. Nothing. No one can do everything.

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Candy. The best stress release.

 

 

Relax

I know many depressed don’t wanna do anything. I’m that way. I’ve had days where I haven’t done anything. When I was diagnosed with depression I didn’t go out. I couldn’t take care of myself. I don’t know how I got through it but I did. My mom helped me and without her I think I wouldn’t be here now.

Kajsa is a crazy dog. That craziness gets me through the deepest depression. Everyone has to have a reason to carry on. I never thought a crazy parson jack russell could make me calm. I sometimes want a uncrazy dog but not often.

I know she isn’t but I find that Kajsa is my service dog. She wouldn’t be classified as a service dog however to me she is. She makes me safer. I often get anxiety in public and Kajsa calms me. I wouldn’t do anything more than work if it wasn’t for her.

Today Kajsa and me went to a park. She loves everything about that park. I would never visit it without her. I get worried. Kajsa makes me wanna be there.

I know not everyone want animals however they can make everything smoother. They want you the way you are.

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Surrender

I have been depressed for a long time. At first I didn’t know I was depressed. I knew but cause I had felt sad for a long time my sadness had become a normal state of mind. I cried everyday and I felt trapped. Everything I had enjoyed doing I didn’t do anymore. I never laughed.

I knew about depression but because my normal state of sadness was…….normal I didn’t think about it that way. Someone had to tell me I was ill. Realizing how ill I was I broke down. I cried my eyes out. I surrendered and felt how helpless I was.

The hardest aspect of surrender was that the doctor I had said I couldn’t work. I don’t know if reporting sick is the right phrase but she wrote a note and she said I should give it to my boss. I often think about everyone else but me. I could take the depression but not that it would involve my co workers. I remember that day. I went to a co worker and told her. She helped me with everything.

I struggled a long time with the feeling I had let people down because I couldn’t work. Don’t be afraid to get help when you suffer from any illness. Often it is easier to admit to yourself how you feel than to everyone else. Put yourself first.

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Safety

I love all animals. I feel safe with animals. They want you for you and don’t have hidden motives. They trust you and they do everything to make you feel good. I don’t know what I would do without Kajsa. I used to have no strength and cried all day. Now I have Kajsa. I have to think of her and put her first. I think whatever animal you have they’re the best cure for any illness. I would have a deeper depression if I didn’t have Kajsa.

I was diagnosed with depression a long time ago. I couldn’t work or do anything then. I survived cause I was dogsitting a dog when her family wanted me to. I loved that dog. She felt like my dog because I had her often. She was there and didn’t mind if I was sad. Kajsa is wilder than the “rescue” dog however I love her.

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Away

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I don’t know how time can fly that fast. I thought I would have a little blog break but it lasted a long while.

I had to do nothing for a while. My depression was getting crazy. I knew it was bad when I all I wanted to do was cry. I’ve learned that if I’m not careful I can crash down the depression hole and it’s hard to get well. I’ve often ignored how I’ve felt and that made me unable to do anything cause I got sicker than ever. After having a depression this long I know I have to think about myself what I want. I think we all often think we have to be there for everyone but ourselves. With that out of the way I hope you’re doing wonderful.

 

Sugar

Anxiety. Chocolate cake and whipped cream helps.

Depression. Chocolate cake and whipped cream helps with that also.

Anxiety and depression at the same time. Chocolate cake, whipped cream and berries helps.

When that doesn’t help have not only one but two pieces of cake. With more whipped cream and berries.

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Sugarless

I know I’m writing lots about depression now. I do it cause I feel more depressed than in a long time. I would do more humour posts if I could but it’s hard to when I don’t have anything to laugh about at the moment.

There’s a positive thing about my depression. I loose my sugar cravings. I eat lots of candy when I’m “balanced”. I usually can’t have dinner without candy afterwards. Now I haven’t had candy for some time. I don’t miss it.

I know sugar is hard to quit. I’m happy I’ve managed without it for a while. I have to say though I eat sugar things like cookies now but not as many like I usually do. Candy is my biggest source of candy and I feel like not eating that is a huge improvement.

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The thing that makes it easier for me to quit sugar is sugar free gum. There are many flavors to choose from nowadays and it’s easy to find a favorite one. I have some gum after dinner and that makes me not want candy. I know you think that’s easy for me to say I only have to replace sugar with something simple as gum, but that does it for me. I can’t say I’ll quit candy for all times, but every candy free day you have is better than nothing.

Better

I don’t think anyone should force their getting better from a depression method on you. I’ve had many “know it allers” give their thoughts but that didn’t help. The ones that make me angriest are those giving advice that never have been depressed themselves. I have to say there’s a difference between giving friendly advice and shoving advice down someone’s throat. I love those that care about you and want you to feel better. It’s the ones that think they know everything and demand you to do what they say that makes me angry.

With that said I thought I would tell you how I survive bad depressions. Firstly I do what’s good for me. The thing that helps me more than anything is being by myself and surf the net. I don’t answer calls or send e mails when I do it. I can’t avoid people trying to contact me for long but a day here and there is fine. I try to avoid websites that makes me sad or angry. To read and forget about myself is mind cleansing to me.

I eat what I want. I do that all the time but I eat more unhealthy than usual when I’m depressed.

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Haha bags with candy helps. I get excited when candy’s about that’s why the picture is blurry!

I avoid stressful social media. There are social media places where you have to post “everything is perfect” pictures and that stresses me out. This blog is not stressful and not something I avoid.

I think my “off time” is important. I don’t take work home with me.

These were some things that help me.