I want to say a big Thank you to all my new and old followers for reading my blog. For the moment I’m into Instagram big time. I love to write here but because my depression is hard at the moment and I find Instagram easier because you can write shorter post. I write lots there. I’m not saying I think writing blog posts are hard but now I get tired whatever I do and that’s why I’m just here sometimes.
On my Instagram I write about the same things I do here.
A thing that I posted on Instagram.
If you want to follow me on Instagram it’s cecilia.helin.39.
I’ll post this in every cathegory so it reaches all of you.
I have this list I call “no thank you food”. This list contains all the foods I don’t eat because I find them disgusting or that I have some other reason that makes me avoid them. I know many eat all food that’s out there but not me.
Salmon is something I find disgusting. I know many love it and it’s healthy to eat but I can’t even take the smell of it. For me it tastes……… I don’t know how to explain it but it has a “strong” taste that you can’t make go away what ever you do. You can pour lots of sauce on it but that doesn’t help. I don’t know how many dinners I have been invited to where salmon was served. I have had to force myself to eat the salmon. I try to eat it as fast as I can and then eat the potatoes or what ever the salmon is served with to get the salmon taste out of my mouth. I have tried salmon cooked in many different ways however it tastes disgusting anyway.
Everyone out there that eat chicken often, don’t read this. I don’t want you to stop eating it. It’s a healthy meat to eat and I want you to keep eating it. The reason I don’t eat it is that my mom told me she watched some tv show where a man sat by a machine and kept cutting off the beaks of chickens. I think he did it because the chickens shouldn’t be able to pick on each other. My mom said the man violently picked up a chicken, cut the beak off. Then he threw the bleeding chicken to the side without any emotions. The thought of those bleeding chickens has made it impossible for me to eat chicken.
Not food but I had to add it to the list because I can’t drink it. I almost throw up when I drink it. The taste I find disgusting. I don’t think alcohol is tasty but beer is what I find the least tasty of all alcohol beverages.
This also makes me feel sick when I eat it. It’s the cinnamon taste mixed with carrots that makes me avoid it. When I think about it, it’s the frosting that I think is what makes it impossible for me to eat it. I have a hard time eating cream cheese. Even though you mix the cream cheese with other things I can’t eat it. The cinnamon cake mixed with the cheese I find disgusting.
I don’t think those are the words for it but I mean cheese you get on a “cheese tray”. Gorgonzola and Brie cheese för example is something I can’t eat. They taste and smell like feet. When a cheese tray is served I eat the crackers and grapes and nothing else. A long time ago my mom made beef in a Gorgonzola sauce. I came home and the whole apartment smelled like sweaty feet. Not to mention the taste of feet and the salty taste.
I know many like these foods and I don’t in any way think it’s wrong to like them. It’s me that can’t take the taste.
I know I have to stop to eat candy. Or I don’t eat when it comes to candy I gorge. I didn’t know there was an english word for it. Gorge is what I do. If I’m hungry or feel whatever feeling out there I eat candy. Some can take one piece and they’re happy with that. I often eat ’til I feel sick. I don’ t have an eating problem and I don’t feel bad when I have had a bag of candy but I know it’s not good to stuff your self with sugar.
I often go for the most sugar filled candy. The candy that consist of 99 % sugar and 1 % of things I don’t want to know what they are. Most buy one bag of candy and eat everything before they get another bag. I buy bag after bag of candy to not run out of it. Every bag weighs around 1 kilo. I go though lots of bags. I don’t want to think about how much sugar that is. I wonder what would happen if I suddenly stopped eating candy. I would probably loose all energy.
The pick and mix department in the grocery store is my favorite place in the store. I could stay there a long time to “compose” the perfect bag of candy. The more sugar the candy seem to have in it it’s what I put in the bag. I often think I’ve put more than enough in the bag but I don’t care.
I feel that you can’t do much about your mental health. You take your pills your doctor has prescribed. You see your psychologist. I do what I’m supposed to do. I don’t feel it helps with anything actually but I have to trust the professionals. I think I would feel even more ill if I didn’t do what they tell me to. That’s why I do what they tell me.
I’m convinced you can do something when it comes to the physical side though. My advice is to do what ever makes you feel good. If it doesn’t hurt anyone do it. My favorite thing is to treat myself to cake and food I love. I don’t like to cook but when I make something I try to cook my favorite food. I also like to buy cakes, candy and everything I find delicious. I don’t drink alcohol or smoke. I try to eat healthy but it’s not funny never treating yourself to anything.
The bread “departement” in the grocery store I buy the main part of my food in has lots of delicious treats. They have bread of course but it’s the sweet treats that interests me. I feel my depression getting less painful when I look and smell all the cakes and candy. I often buy lots of different cakes to have many sweets to choose from at home. I don’t over eat or anything but a piece of cake a day makes everything better.
I haven’t traveled or anything like that. That’s not why I’ve been absent. I want to tell you there’s been a crazy time. Instead I’ve had every flu that’s out there. I fell sick and when I though I was through with it I got sick again. I am the happiest when I do nothing however this was more than nothing. I couldn’t do anything.
I do a little post this time. I have to tell you I ate more candy than normal during this. I know sugar isn’t a flu cure but it helps. We currently have these candy bags and they’ll help me getting well.
There’s honestly one more bag somewhere. You can’t have enough sugary goodies.
I have had a sugar craving for some days. I don’t know why I can do without sugar some days and then suddenly I have to have sugar. I have told you about how I chew on sugarfree gum to not eat candy. Now however gum doesn’t help.
Today after dinner I ate candy until I felt sick. I had everything from chocolate to sugary candy. I can’t only have some candy. I have to have lots. All candy eaters know how it is. You eat until you you feel full. You eat candy you enjoy but you also eat candy you don’t enjoy if that’s all you have. I don’t think all chocolate is tasty but if I only have non favorite chocolate at home during my sugar cravings I eat it. I don’t want it but I eat it anyway. I love candy.
I like pastries. Yesterday was “Gustav adolfs” day in Sweden. I’m not an expert on why we celebrate that day but the main thing is that we eat pastries. When you hear “Gustav adolfs” day you think about whipped cream and unhealthy things.
My mom had the important mission to buy pastries for her and I. She went to some places cause they were hard to find. There either weren’t any. That or they were sold out. She found a coffee shop that had the pastries. Or not any “Gustav adolf” pastries but everyday pastries where they put a portrait made by chocolate of that Gustav man. I think they made a pastry for this day before but I don’t know if they make it anymore.
My mom bought four pastries. The coffee shop had two different pastries with the chocolate Gustav. She bought two of each. One was a chocolate pastry. It was a chocolate cake topped with chocolate mousse. The second was a “Napoleon” pastry. That is a pastry with whipped cream between layers of puff pastry.
The chocolate one was a bit much. I couldn’t eat the whole pastry. I did eat the whole “Napoleon” though. And I ate both on the same day.