Tag: Humour

Important

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I feel that we in the “first world” have problem we consider important.

*You’re in the grocery store. After a while in the queue the shopper in front of you put their things on the conveyor belt. When it’s your turn the cashier asks the person in front of you to put up a sign that the cashier is leaving and you have to go to the cashier beside it and of course queue a long time in that queue.

*In the grocery store you choose the cashier where there’s a shorter queue than to the other cashiers. Of course it turns out it was the wrong choice. In you’re queue there are old people paying not with cards but with money. They don’t pay with banknotes they pay with coins which takes forever.

    *You buy frozen pizza. It turns out it takes longer to cook it than it says on the box. This makes you angry and you stare at the oven because you think that will make the pizza ready sooner. You have a long discussion with your partner about the time it said it would take to cook it. The world is collapsing but this pizza makes you more angry than that.

    *You are buying soap but it turns out all the soaps have every color than the one you color you want. “I can’t have a pink soap in the bathroom. It doesn’t go well with the color of the towels”.

    *There is one sausage missing in the sausage”pack”. Dinner is ruined.

    Buying

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    -We just got 4 liters of milk left!

    -Oh no! We are two members in this family and drink little milk but just 4 liters! We must buy ten more liters to last one day.

    -I rent a lorry so we can buy all the milk in the store.

    (That’s what happens when everyone buy food without any idea of what’s in fridges and cabinets.)

    “Mjölk” is milk in swedish.

    Milk

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    I have a first world problem for you.

    -I just drank a glas of milk that had it’s expiration date yesterday!

    -Oh no. What should we do? We have to call for an ambulance. I tell them you had a day old milk. That will have them put you first and they will prioritize you before heart attacks and those things.

    -There is an emergency number you can call when you think you’ve been poisoned. I feel weak do you think I will have to have surgery?

    -Probably.

    President

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    I would like to take a moment and write about the president inaugurallition. Is that right, inaugurallition? I’m all for Biden. You go man. Lady Gaga did a beautiful job singing the american national anthem. The high notes were perfect. We joked that she would come out in nothing but underwear making it into a big show like she usually does. Then Biden and his nearest friends would get heart attacks.

    You saw Biden and his inner circle of friends and also his fellow politician colleagues. They look like people living in a retirement home having a field day. I don’t mind Biden and lots of polititians respectable age but this was fun. One former politicioner looked like he was sleeping. Many walked like they could use a walking stick.

    There was a man who had one of the more important job this day. He sanitized the lectern where the speaches was being held. After every speaker he appeared from now here cleaning the lectern surface.

    Biden doesn’t have a little to correct in USA from now on. He must heal not just USA but also heal the view the rest of the world has on the country. He is the right man.

    • dav

    Craigslist

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    I think Craigslist is an all american thing. You could use it everywhere but I don’t know any users or have heard it mentioned in Sweden. Here or anywhere outside of USA. I’ve read about it though and don’t get how anyone can even think about using it. I know the news only cover the disgusting things that happens there. Many good things probably goes on but the bad things are….bad.

    The thing I would never use Craigslist for is housing. It seems like everyone is a murderer in that section. On the lighter side when it comes to bad things in the housing section, I read about a man that would rent out his home for free to groups of women that wanted somewhere to stay during holidays. “All” he wanted was to do “naughty” things with them. Disgusting. The women that he aimed for probably went on holiday to get away from husbands and boyfriends. No woman in their right mind would even consider answering that ad.

    I also read about a man that wanted a female roommate. Her rent was to be a girlfriend whenever he wanted to. Girlfriend. Right. Disgusting.

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    Dog hair

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    True happiness! You find a long hair on your body and it’s only dog hair.

    I didn’t have wine to congratulate me. Candy is more than better.

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    Buying

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    -Honey we only got 24 eggs.

    -No! You have to buy more.

    24 eggs. That’s enough to make 6 cakes. 5 omelettes. That makes more scrambled eggs and egg sandwiches than you can eat. And they expire in 4 days………..

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    Fruit joke

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    A bad fruit joke. I have to tell you that.

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    A retired banana and a youngster. Or a banana that doesn’t moisturize and a banana that does.

     

    Oldies

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    My mom has ordered things from a mailorder company. They focuses mostly on older people. Cause she’s ordered from this company they send her their catalogue all the time. I always laugh when I read the catalogue because it’s crazy.

    This is the kind of clothes they sell. Clothes for mature women.

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    They sell clothes but they also have practical items. Look at the couple in the catalogue. They are walking outside in pyjamases! The text to that picture is that this company sell things to make you enjoy the things you always have enjoyed. “If you used to wear pyjamas all day we make it possible for you to keep doing it.” It doesn’t say that but that picture together with “we sell you convenient things” makes you think that.

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    The craziest thing is all the vibrators they sell. Lots! But that goes along perfectly with the pyjamas couple!

    

     

    

    Thoughts

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    Kajsa and me have these thoughts today.

    This is the biggest Cornflakes we’ve seen. It’s bigger than Kajsa. I could put her in it and there would still be space for many things. I tried to put a dinner plate beside it to show how big it is but it didn’t help. It’s 1 kilo and massive! “Family pack”. It will last long. I like cornflakes and this was the only one they had but it’s big!

    -Honey we need more cornflakes.

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    Kajsa couldn’t care less. Beautiful and careless.

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    Vanderpump rules. What’s wrong with them. They drink and fight. Jax has had a boob reduction!

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    Candy!

    Deep thoughts!