Here sometime

I want to say a big Thank you to all my new and old followers for reading my blog. For the moment I’m into Instagram big time. I love to write here but because my depression is hard at the moment and I find Instagram easier because you can write shorter post. I write lots there. I’m not saying I think writing blog posts are hard but now I get tired whatever I do and that’s why I’m just here sometimes.

On my Instagram I write about the same things I do here.

A thing that I posted on Instagram.

Sugar free sugar. “Our sugar free cookies contain 2 cups of sugar.”

If you want to follow me on Instagram it’s cecilia.helin.39.

I’ll post this in every cathegory so it reaches all of you.

See you there or sometimes here.

Kiwi frenzy

I have told you about my obsessions with kiwi fruits. It’s because they don’t cost a lot. Even if I have many at home I can’t not buy new ones when I am at the grocery store. You get 10 kiwi’s for 3,5 euros which means they cost nothing. You never know when the price will go up. That’s why I am buying 10 every time I shop for groceries. I know it’s absurd. That made me think about what media’s approach to it would be.

“A woman was found with hundreds of kiwis in her home. Most of them were rotten but she said she couldn’t put them in the trash. ‘I have a bond to all my kiwis’ she said meaning that it would be like throwing out a family member. She also said she had named the kiwis and talked to them. When she was asked how it had gotten this crazy she said it wasn’t crazy. ‘They cost 3,5 for 10 kiwis. I have bought 10 kiwis two times a week for months.’ Do you eat any of them? She replied ‘How can I eat my family members? Michael or David? No I can’t.’

We looked around the woman’s apartment and found every room filled with kiwis. They had even formed gangs. Each room had one gang. They held to themselves apart from when a kiwi from another room entered their territory. Then they crushed it. We also found a room that was empty apart from a couple of kiwis aimlessly wandering around. They weren’t part of any gang and had to fend for themselves. In that room the lemons had had enough of all the kiwis. We saw a kiwi and a lemon fighting. The lemon shouted ‘leave this room alone. This room belongs to lemons’.

The social services had to take the woman away. She was naked covered in crushed kiwi fruits. She resisted crying ‘who is going to take care of my kiwis?’ The last thing we heard her say before she was placed in the social service’s car was ’10 for 3,5 euros’ over and over again.”

I am not there now but who knows what the future holds? Just kidding. I buy lots of kiwis however I eat them all.

Tomato pasta

I have a confession to make. I love pasta. I crave it often. Sometimes I just eat pasta with butter but that’s not very healthy. I also love pasta because it’s easy to make delicious dinners with it. I think both dried and fresh pasta taste good. I often go for the fresh version though because it cooks faster.

You know I get stressed whenever I make a complicated dinner. With that I mean when the dinner has too many ingredients or cooking techniques. Not to mention when it involves all the pots and pans you have. I know many thinks that those things isn’t a problem and I envy you. I would love to be like you. Reading recipes and happily cook whatever it is. I almost never follow recipes when it comes to cooking. Only because I feel like it always have too many things to do in them.

This dinner is the fastest and easiest you have ever experienced. Fresh tortellini in a tomato sauce. I do the whole thing in one pan. Because I used fresh tortellini I didn’t have to cook them before mixing them with the tomato sauce. I let them boil in the tomato sauce.

It tastes lots better than it looks.

I began with frying a red onion in butter. Not too long, just to get it a little soft. Then I added crushed tomatoes. I also added pepper, salt and oregano. I let it simmer for a while before putting milk and whipping cream in it. I turned up the heat to get the sauce to boil. When it boiled I added the “raw” tortellini. I used one tortellini with spinach and ricotta cheese and one with sundried tomatoes. I noticed that the spinach tortellini was gluten free which I didn’t know when I bought it. I let the tortellini boil for a couple of minutes in the tomato sauce. That was all it took to make a delicious dinner!

I have this stress scale when I cook. Number 1 is me feel little or no stress while cooking. 5 is when I feel I will faint from stress. This was a 1 on the stress scale.

Try it.

Food list

I have this list I call “no thank you food”. This list contains all the foods I don’t eat because I find them disgusting or that I have some other reason that makes me avoid them. I know many eat all food that’s out there but not me.

*Salmon.

Salmon is something I find disgusting. I know many love it and it’s healthy to eat but I can’t even take the smell of it. For me it tastes……… I don’t know how to explain it but it has a “strong” taste that you can’t make go away what ever you do. You can pour lots of sauce on it but that doesn’t help. I don’t know how many dinners I have been invited to where salmon was served. I have had to force myself to eat the salmon. I try to eat it as fast as I can and then eat the potatoes or what ever the salmon is served with to get the salmon taste out of my mouth. I have tried salmon cooked in many different ways however it tastes disgusting anyway.

*Chicken.

Everyone out there that eat chicken often, don’t read this. I don’t want you to stop eating it. It’s a healthy meat to eat and I want you to keep eating it. The reason I don’t eat it is that my mom told me she watched some tv show where a man sat by a machine and kept cutting off the beaks of chickens. I think he did it because the chickens shouldn’t be able to pick on each other. My mom said the man violently picked up a chicken, cut the beak off. Then he threw the bleeding chicken to the side without any emotions. The thought of those bleeding chickens has made it impossible for me to eat chicken.

*Beer.

Not food but I had to add it to the list because I can’t drink it. I almost throw up when I drink it. The taste I find disgusting. I don’t think alcohol is tasty but beer is what I find the least tasty of all alcohol beverages.

*Carrot cake.

This also makes me feel sick when I eat it. It’s the cinnamon taste mixed with carrots that makes me avoid it. When I think about it, it’s the frosting that I think is what makes it impossible for me to eat it. I have a hard time eating cream cheese. Even though you mix the cream cheese with other things I can’t eat it. The cinnamon cake mixed with the cheese I find disgusting.

*Dessert cheese.

I don’t think those are the words for it but I mean cheese you get on a “cheese tray”. Gorgonzola and Brie cheese för example is something I can’t eat. They taste and smell like feet. When a cheese tray is served I eat the crackers and grapes and nothing else. A long time ago my mom made beef in a Gorgonzola sauce. I came home and the whole apartment smelled like sweaty feet. Not to mention the taste of feet and the salty taste.

I know many like these foods and I don’t in any way think it’s wrong to like them. It’s me that can’t take the taste.

Fancy dinner

I made a very fancy dinner today. Pasta and ketchup. I didn’t stop there! I also added more luxury with some spices and butter. Don’t say I don’t know how to make good food!

They say that the food you eat should have many different colors. Here we have green, red and white! Don’t say I haven’t thought this dinner through.

It’s not a healthy meal I know! But sometimes I am tired and uninspired. I think this meal beats eating cake or candy.

You probably have or will eat a healthier meal today.

Trying

I tried. Let me tell you I tried! I tried to make a plate of food look good. Everyone who has read my posts about food know how “good” I am at making the food look tasty. It always begins fine but then it goes down hill. This “making it look good” was no different from every time I do this.

First thing’s first. I decided to make a real home cooked meal (except the potatoes that I bought frozen). I decided to make burgers and potatoes. To make it less stressful I was going to cook the whole thing in the oven. I made my burgers beginning with mixing bread crumbs and milk. I let it rest for a while.

Milk and bread crumbs.

I used half a red onion. I added minced beef, the onion, an egg and spices in the milk and bread mix.

I mixed it well and I put the hambugers in a oven form (that was the word I found for it). I made four, two for this dinner and the other two I put in the fridge to cook the next day. I put too much butter in the bottom of the oven form (I had to pour some out after a while). I placed a bakning paper on the oven tray and put the potatoes on it.

Too much butter!

I cooked it at 250 C for 30 minutes. After 20 minutes I added milk and whipping cream to the burgers to make a sauce.

Then it was time to put the food on the plate. The potatoes and hamburger went nicely but then I had to destroy it with a big splash of lingonberry jam. I find lingonberry jam delicious but I could have waited to put it on until I had taken the picture. It was tasty and to me it doesn’t look that bad but to everyone else it must look not that tasty.

Lingonberry jam everywhere.

I rate all my cooking after a “stress scale”. How stressful the cooking was. This was a 2 because I made it in the oven.

Bisquits

I had the biggest first world problem today. I mean it can’t get any more first world problematic than this.

I had bought a packet (couldn’t find a better word) of bisquits. It turned out the packet was burgular safe and I couldn’t open it. I tried everything and nothing helped. I tried knives and a pair of scissors.

My day is ruined! No bisquits.

Egg toast

I don’t have any idea why this sandwich turned out how it did. I thought I would write about my favorite “dinner sandwich”, bacon and eggs. I love the salty bacon and fried egg on a piece of bread. It always, ALWAYS turns out perfect with the bacon crispy and the eggs round with a perfect yolk. Today just cause I decided to write about it and get you craving the sandwich I got everything wrong. The only perfect thing was the bread which I didn’t make.

First the bacon. It got burnt right away. When it gets burnt it jumps out of the frying pan. There were bacon everywhere. I was determind to write about this sandwich and I had to collect the bacon from everywhere in the kitchen. I lowered the heat on the stove, put back the bacon in the frying pan.

I put it all in the corner of the pan to make room for the eggs. Of course the first egg I cracked in the pan was a “loose” one. The yolk was runny and it poured on the bacon making it into a bacon omelette. I was making 4 sandwiches (two portions) and added 3 more eggs. They got stuck in the “omelette egg” and it was ruined. I tried to make the sandwich look tasty and you can see how “great” I managed to do that. I don’t think it seems that tasty. It was but the look of it is not tasty. Don’t mind the look of the sandwich it’s delicious. Maybe (or probably) you can make it more perfect.

A two year old could have made this prettier.

The “stress scale” (how much the making of the dish affects my depression. A 1 is no stress and a 5 is highly stressful) was a 2. All the things going wrong made the stress level higher but the dish itself was almost stress free.

Try it.

Pasta

I find that the one thing that affect my depression more than anything else is cooking. I don’t have an appetite and get stressed when it’s time to cook. All I want to do is cry when I go to the kitchen to make dinner. I get stressed when there’s too many steps to make a dish or that it takes too long make it. I try to do things that are fast and easy.

I know there are those that find cooking relaxing. I’m jealous of you. When you say cooking calms you down I want to be that way. I wish I could say that too. To me it’s just a pain. The hardest part is to figure out what to cook. I have lived on my own sometimes and I’m not proud to say my cooking routine has been a disgrace then. There have been times where I’ve eaten candy or cake for dinner. Disgusting I know. But If you’re not hungry and you’re depressed enough to just want to cry your eyes out cooking, eating healthy is not important.

All the cooking I do and post here is the easiest possible. I could make food that would impress you but that would be too hard for me. The funny thing about it is that I’m a good cook. I often get positive feedback when I cook. I don’t know how it’s possible. It must be that I love food (even though I’m not hungry) and cook what I enjoy to eat.

With all this in mind I’ve decided to grade all the food I upload in a “stress inducing” scale. I know it’s not just me that find cooking hard and this may help you to cook “stress free” things. Number 1 is the lowest stress inducing and 5 the highest. I will name it stress scale.

My first stress scale dinner is a number 1 boarding on number 2. It’s the easiest pasta dish you can make. Fill a saucepan with water. Put the pasta in the cold water. When the water begin to heat up the pasta also begin cooking. It saves a lot of time. When the pasta is ready you drain the water. Put the pasta back in the saucepan. Add butter, tinned crushed tomatoes, milk, cream and spices. Let it cook for a while. That’s it! It’s fast and tasty. Serve with vegetables or what I have on the plate fruit. It’s good to have some vitamins with dinner.

It tastes better than it looks.

Hysterical

I don’t get why you think I have too many kiwi fruits at home! There’s just 24 of them!

I know it seems crazy to have 24 kiwis at home. Especially when I am the only one eating them. It’s hysterical when you think about it. I have a good reason for “collecting” them. They often cost a fortune and I don’t buy them cause of that. Now they have been very cheap for a while. I get a bit crazy when you get 10 kiwi fruits for 3 euros. I buy them every time I’m in the grocery store now. I think “it doesn’t hurt to buy 10 more”.

Sometimes I have too many and I can’t fit them in the fridge. But even so the next time I visit the grocery store I buy 10 more. Kiwis are a favorite of mine and now I can eat them all the time. They are filled with vitamins and I need something healthy especially when I am eating dinner. I don’t think raw vegetables are tasty. I eat fruit instead. I remove the peel and enjoy them. I have to find recipes that has kiwis in them so I can eat them all before they get dry and old. I eat them raw but I think I would like them in cakes or something.