Depressed

25/11/20172 Comments

I have hit the lowest low in my depression. I’ve felt the depression coming a long time now and it came with full force a while ago. I feel tired and have lost the will to do anything. I should be used to feeling like this but I don’t think you ever get used to it. I feel depressed all the time but not like this. There’s an expression in Sweden “walking into a wall”. Even if you haven’t heard that it speaks for itself. You walk into the wall because you’re too depressed and then you’re stuck in that feeling.

The first sign of deep depression for me is feeling sick like I’m going to throw up. This goes on for days and I loose all strenght. I’ve tried to take care of myself but there was nothing I could do about it. I feel like crying but I don’t.

A big reason for my depression is that I don’t have the medicines I should have. My doctor have given me different medicines to try. Nothing has helped. A while ago he put me on a anti-anxiety medicine. I got physically sick from it. I told him that I got sick but he wouldn’t listen. He told me there were no side effects like I experienced to it and I should keep taking it. I tried to keep taking it but I couldn’t. I got tired of trying medicines that made me sick and cause of that I quit the ones that made me sick. I have no anti depressant medicine at the moment cause of that.

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There’s not only depression at the moment. Today we had “sandwich cake” for dinner. A big sandwich cake! I love it.

Rest

18/11/201718/11/2017Leave a comment

I had to have a mental rest. My anxiety and depression have made me tired and I had to do nothing. That’s the only thing that helps for me. I have to clear my head when I feel that way. I’m that person that heal when I do nothing.

A side to me you don’t know about is that music is my thing. I’ve had music in my life all my life. I sing and write songs. All my life isn’t correct. I had many years where I was too depressed to play and write songs. I somehow denied myself from having anything to do with music.

Now I’m finding my way back to doing things I love. I’ve bought new instruments to mark kind of a new beginning. My old instruments reminds me of how I’ve felt in the past. You could think music instruments are only things but not to me.

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Kajsa gets relaxed when I sing.

My favorite music genre is rock music. I love it. I listen to a lot of music genres but rock is what I love.

Oldies

11/11/201711/11/2017Leave a comment

My mom has ordered things from a mailorder company. They focuses mostly on older people. Cause she’s ordered from this company they send her their catalogue all the time. I always laugh when I read the catalogue because it’s crazy.

This is the kind of clothes they sell. Clothes for mature women.

They sell clothes but they also have practical items. Look at the couple in the catalogue. They are walking outside in pyjamases! The text to that picture is that this company sell things to make you enjoy the things you always have enjoyed. “If you used to wear pyjamas all day we make it possible for you to keep doing it.” It doesn’t say that but that picture together with “we sell you convenient things” makes you think that.

The craziest thing is all the vibrators they sell. Lots! But that goes along perfectly with the pyjamas couple!

Cake

07/11/20171 Comment

I like pastries. Yesterday was “Gustav adolfs” day in Sweden. I’m not an expert on why we celebrate that day but the main thing is that we eat pastries. When you hear “Gustav adolfs” day you think about whipped cream and unhealthy things.

My mom had the important mission to buy pastries for her and I. She went to some places cause they were hard to find. There either weren’t any. That or they were sold out. She found a coffee shop that had the pastries. Or not any “Gustav adolf” pastries but everyday pastries where they put a portrait made by chocolate of that Gustav man. I think they made a pastry for this day before but I don’t know if they make it anymore.

My mom bought four pastries. The coffee shop had two different pastries with the chocolate Gustav. She bought two of each. One was a chocolate pastry. It was a chocolate cake topped with chocolate mousse. The second was a “Napoleon” pastry. That is a pastry with whipped cream between layers of puff pastry.

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The chocolate one was a bit much. I couldn’t eat the whole pastry. I did eat the whole “Napoleon” though. And I ate both on the same day.

Care

04/11/201704/11/2017Leave a comment

-I have infected eyes.

-You have.

We had to take a trip to the vet this week. Kajsa got an infection in one eye. It was itching and she couldn’t keep the eye open. It was filled with fluid. I had to get her help.

The vet said the eyes are sensitive and it’s better to have them checked even if you don’t know if it’s serious.

Now she has an infection in both eyes. It must have spread when Kajsa was scratching the eye that was first infected. I told her no when she scratched but I couldn’t watch her all the time. Kajsa got eye drops and the eyes heal fast.

When your pet gets white stuff in it’s eyes get it to the vet. That’s the first sign of an infection.

Sugar

02/11/20171 Comment

I have a first world problem.

When you buy candy and one of the candy pieces have sugar on it. Because of that everything in the candy bag gets sugary! Everything taste like the sugar coated candy.

There is one solution. Use two bags. One for the sugar candy and one for the non sugary candy. I would do that but I’m too lazy.

Omelette

30/10/20171 Comment

I can’t eat onion. I can but my bowls get crazy. When I eat it often I get sick. I love to use onion when I cook but I have to think about how often I have eaten it before I cook that day.

I try to eat vegetarian all the time and I think onions makes vegetarian dishes tastier. Or I think onions makes all dishes, vegetarian or no vegetarian, better. I love the taste of onions. Because my bowls can’t take onions I’ve had to find substitutes for it. A substitute that works well are olives. They can’t replace onions but I like the saltiness of the olives. Omelettes are one of my favorite things to eat. I like bacon in omelettes but when I want a veggie one I’ve used onions before. Now I’ve used olives instead for a while and I don’t miss onions.

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This omelette has olives, tomatoes, sugar snaps and peppers in it. I used green olives cause I think they’re tastier.

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Almost vegetarian

25/10/20171 Comment

I have come to a conclusion that an almost vegetarian way of eating is best for me. With almost vegetarian I mean vegetarian but where eggs and milk are included. I know there is a word for that type of “vegetarianism” is it ovo vegetarian? I eat meat and fish but not often. I try to avoid these foods and I don’t miss them. I make meat dinners when I’m lazy and want to cook something quickly.

Why this is the best for me is cause it makes me feel better. When I haven’t eaten meat for a while I feel less tired. Even my depression gets better. I don’t mean meat is bad but I feel like my body can’t handle it. I sometimes feel like eating steak but then my bowls go through the roof. I get sick.

I don’t know if my depression gets better when I don’t eat meat but I feel better. I think it has to do with my physical health getting better when I’m meat free. I feel like meat is hard on my body.

I have been “strictly vegetarian” for different periods and I have felt better then. It was harder to cut out meat before because then there hardly wasn’t any meat substitutes. The things you could buy were often disgusting. Now there are many ready made vegetarian foods that taste good.

This is my favorite almost vegetarian dinner. Veggie omelette. I add whatever veggies I have available. Tasty!

Well

20/10/20172 Comments

I’ve had to take time off. Kajsa had surgery a while ago. Not surgery but teeth cleaning at the vet. They sedate animals when they do that. There’s a risk with sedating that the animal won’t wake up from it. I know that almost never happen but you never know.

Last surgery Kajsa had I almost lost her. That was when she was neutered. I know that was more surgery involved than teeth cleaning but I thought it would be like that this time too.

I brush Kajsas teeth. When I’m depressed I don’t do it cause I’m too sad. It was those non brushing times that made her teeth brown. The vet said it wasn’t bad but I wanted to clean them before they became a problem.

I took her to the vet early. They said I could get her later that day. I couldn’t relax and thought they would call and tell me Kajsa didn’t make it. They called and I thought that was it. I was excited when they instead wanted me to get her earlier.

They said Kajsa was barking and getting crazy. She can’t be alone and I think she didn’t want to be by herself when the vet staff had to leave her.

I got to the vet and I thought Kajsa would be crazy but she was quiet. She was with the vet staff in the “office room”. She was calm cause she wasn’t alone.

She has clean white teeth now!