Tag: Humour

Dirty

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20170324_155726I find most tv ads stupid. I don’t know anyone that watches them. Or you watch them but not because you want to. They interrupt the tv show you watch and you have to wait until they end to get to the show again. Or you get some coffee while they’re on. Either or.

I don’t know how the ad makers function. The ads are either boring or unrealistic. They probably have lots of research material to help with the ad process. They know how the public think and act and that makes them come up with “smart” ads.

The most stupid ads has to be the ones involving cleaning things. Cleaning is what most find boring. I don’t know anyone that dances to get to the cleaning supplies on cleaning day. The cleaning ads could make us feel that we want to clean an that their things make it easier to do. What I think when I watch their ads is that the cleaners need help in more ways than one. Often their homes are dirty beyond reasonable dirty. There is dirt everywhere old and new one. On the floor and ceiling. It must be because the ad makers want to show how their things clean everything. One other group of cleaners are those that let their dirty kids go crazy in their clean home. Parents with newly cleaned homes laugh when the kids storm in with dirt flying off them.

Those, especially those with the crazy dirty homes needs a therapist. You don’t need cleaning things you need advice on how not to loose your mind.

Dogshow

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I think reality tv shows are a hilarous to watch. Especially because the participants are crazy. Vanderpump rules is my favorite show. They drink and sleep around and that’s what they do. They are gorgeous but insane.

That makes me think about dogs. They are more uncomplicated than anything. Haha I don’t know what they have got to do with reality shows but what if there was a reality show about dogs. It would only be one episode with every different cast. Dogs solve their problems with each other right away. People in reality shows holds on to everything forever and that’s why the shows last. Dogs would fight and solve it in the first episode. Then they would walk around and sniff the others in the behind.

Episode one of “The real dogs in the hood”. The dogs are brought together in the dog park. They fight to establish the pack order. The smallest dog wins and becomes the leader of all the others. Episode one ends. That would be the shortest tv show ever.

Everything would be better if we were a bit like dogs. They care about who you are not what you are. They are the best there is.

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Ancient

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I remember when I grew up. Everything was easier. Gather around and I will tell you about ancient history. Haha not quite but almost.

We didn`t have cell phones when I grew up. That has to be the biggest difference to now. Today no one could live without it. When I was young you had to actually interract with people. You used your phone to call people! We never texted each other or played games on it. I don`t know how we made it without cell phones. As teenagers we were out all the time and partied on weekends. Sometimes you were going to a party and were supposed to meet your friends at a certain place. If you knew you couldn`t make it in time there was no one to call because they were all waiting at the meeting place. If you were a naughty girl that wasn`t coming home after a party in town you had to find a pay phone to call home. I don`t know how many times I spend the end of the night looking for a phone to call my mom (haha most of the time we went to an after party but we never said that) . When you found a phone you had to have coins to put in it. I always said I was going to spend the night at a friend who lived alone.

In Sweden back in the days we used to serve tinned pears as dessert. Not only pears but oven baked with a thin mint chocolate piece on top. The chocolate (After eight) was something you only ate at special occasions such as dinner parties. We also ate lots of homemade pizza`s with ketchup on them. My favorite food used to be boiled artichoke dipped in butter.

In school we didn`t have computer science. We had type writing classes. Most of the type writers were manual ones where you had to use force to be able to push down the keys. You had to fight to get the electric machines which were easier to use. Then we had to write these stupid texts which didn`t mean anything.

Speaking of cell phones. I remember when they became an household item. I said I would never get one. Being available all the time!

 

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You couldn`t pick your own candy back then. You had to say to the sales person what candy to put in the paper bag.

 

Aquarium

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I came across something hilarious. There`s a swedish site where you can talk about everything that has to do with family. There was a woman there that wrote about her partner eating her fish in her aquarium.

The woman had thought about her aquarium was having less fish by the minute. She thought the fish had eaten each other. Then there was this time when she went to bed and her partner was up playing his playstation. She went up during the night and found her partner standing with a net by the aquarium. She saw him grabbing fish from the net and eat them. She got angry and they argued. She caught him eating fish more times and they talked about what to do. They decided he was going to buy his own aquarium with fish he could eat.

To even have a discussion about someone eating fish from an aquarium is crazy. It`s like I would find teeth marks on Kajsa`s legs and finding out my partner had eaten on them. Everyone else fights about money and those things in their relationship. Anyway he bought his aquarium but couldn`t keep his net from hers. He kept eating her fish. Then she added that her partner had finally gone insane and had eaten all hers and his fish. He left after that and said that aquarium fish was better in other places. I think he was insane to begin with. He must have lost the last of his mind when he stuffed himself with all those fish.

I laughed the whole way through. This woman wrote about it seriously and not only I thought it was a joke. There was a person who tried to help and not laugh and thought that it was wrong to eat pets. That`s the least you can say about this whole thing. If I found someone eat on my animals I would throw them out!

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Don’t eat!

 

 

 

Joke

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I’ve read a couple of April fools day stories which made me smile. That got me thinking about when I fooled my mom long ago.

I was working in a hospital kitchen at the time. From the kitchen there was access to underground corridors that led to different wards. The meals we prepared in the kitchen were put in “waggons” that were taken to the wards through the corridors.

I told my mom that a patient from the high security psychatric ward had gone missing. I also told my mom that a knife had disappeared from the kitchen. I said we thought the patient had found the kitchen by walking in the corridors and that she or he had taken the knife.

My mom knew me and the rest of the kitchen staff often used these corridors ourselves and she got hysterical about the whole thing. It was bad enough we walked in the corridors but now there also was a escaped dangerous person with a knife hiding there.

I felt somewhat bad that I fooled her with this.

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Control

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My biggest first world problem is all about the tv. I don`t like when it`s broken or when there`s no good tv show on. If there`s no tv there`s nothing! The tv is the most important “furniture” for many and they almost build their houses around it. It`s mostly placed at the centre of every wall.

This is what my problem could be like.

-Where`s the remote control? (My heart races).

 

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It`s not here.

 

Where is it!?

 

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Not here either.

Where is it!!!!!!!?????????

 

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Whatever it is I haven`t done it.

Where

is

it!?

 

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My heart races faster.

 

-Everybody listen up. I`ve found it!

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-Calm down everybody. I found the remote and we can all continue to focus on the tv instead of speaking to each other.

 

 

 

Think

4 Comments

The first world problem of the day, people that don’t think.

The problem of today is people that are about to pay for their groceries at the same time as they talk on their phone. They are incapable of both talking and paying, and of course they always choose to let everyone else after them in line wait until they have finished their phone call before paying.

If you can’t do two things at the same time, then don’t do it. Or do one thing at a time. And let that one thing be what a normal human being would do! Think.

 

Laugh

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My mom always makes me laugh. We have the same sense of humour. She tells me about things in her life and it often makes me laugh. This happened a long time ago but even to this day it`s one of the funniest thing she has told me. When she told me the first time I laughed so much I almost cried.

One of my mom`s friends is also the mom of a friend of mine (did you get it??????). My mom`s friend grew up on an island that is a popular summer vacation place. The friend kept her family home after her mom moved away. Me and my mom used to go there during the summer sometimes. Anyway, my mom`s friend eventually sold the house but another friend that also grew up on that island kept her family home as a “holiday house”. My mom, her “island friend”, the friend who kept her family home and some other women used to spend a weekend every fall in that family home. They were close friends and spent the weekend there cooking and going to a dance club.

This particular weekend they arrived at the house and like always they decided which room they each would get. There were many rooms in that house and my mom got a small narrow one. She is a bit claustrophobic and felt the room was too small for her. She decided to open the window to get some air in the room. She opened the window and suddenly a sworm of flies filled the room! There were hundreds of them! They had somehow been stuck in the window and when my mom opened it they went off. They filled up the whole room and my mom was in the middle of it all. She said the room went dark because the flies were so many. My mom said she refused to stay in that room and another friend switched rooms with her. She spent the rest of that day cleaning up dead flies! Either they died when my mom frantically tried to knock them out or out of chock because they too got scared when she opened the window.

They stayed in that house over one weekend and before they left they had to clean the room they had slept in. That is understandable but the thing is that no one had cleaned that house in years. My mom said there were dust and grease everywhere! It took them hours to clean what should have only taken one hour. They had to clean the whole house and it was a big one. There were nick nacks everywhere and the women had to scrub them all!

My mom never returned again.

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