I made the biggest mistake of my life some years ago. By that time I lived in the town I live in now and my depression was through the roof. I felt like I needed a change and decided to move to the place, which I`ll call”p”, where most of my relative on my mom`s side live. I thought the small village would help me in getting better. P is a place where everyone knows each other. I felt like that closeness would bring me calm.
My relatives helped me move. They moved my furniture and took it to my new flat. I had to clean the flat I had been living in and would go to P a couple of days later. The same day my two aunts met me at the train station in P I knew I had made a big mistake by moving there. “L” who is one of them went on and on about how they had spent the whole day making my flat ready for me to move in to. When I say on and on I mean it. She made me feel guilty that they had to help me. I never even asked them to do that. The whole car ride to my new flat she kept going. When we eventually got there she continued. I was exhausted when they left. This was just the beginning.
L thinks she is right in everything. She lives in this small village and everyone is afraid of her. She makes everyone`s business her own. If you don`t live your life according to her standards you will feel it. She has always had things to say about me. Everything from that I am spoiled (when I was a child) to I have too many clothes (all the time). Nothing about that is true.
I have always had the need to be alone sometimes. I love to have days when it`s just me and I have nothing to do. Especially when my depression is bad I need those days. That`s what made things go from bad to worse when I lived in P. L seemed to think that I should visit them everyday. Even if I had days where I couldn`t get out of bed because of my depression I had to go there. And when I was in her home I was on the edge the whole time because she would say hurtful things. When I began staying away from her she became this crazy person who made my life not easy to say the least.
There is much more to this story and I have to tell that later this week otherwise this post will get too long. There is much more crazieness to come!