Caring

24/03/201724/03/20172 Comments

I have been sick a lot lately. Now I have a cold again. I think it`s cause my thyroid is not doing what it should. I have a thyroid that works faster than it should. It`s only a minor disfunction but even a minor one can make your body break down. I used to take medicine for it but I did the stupidest thing. I stopped taking it a long time ago. I felt the medicine didn`t do anything and I stopped. I had a very low dosage of the medicine and thought it couldn`t make any difference if I didn`t take. I was wrong.

If you suffer from a malfunctioning thyroid you should take your medicine! You often have to continue taking it for the rest of your life. The thyroid is a glance on the front side of your throat. It`s not big but it does a lot. Women are most prone to have some thyroid malfunction going on. A lot of women are affected. If there`s something wrong with your thyroid it either works too fast or too slow or has something else that`s not working right.

There are symptoms to tell if your thyroid is “broken”. The most common are:

¤Your feelings are all over the place and you get mood swings.

¤You either loose or gain weight without any reason.

¤You sweat more than you normally would.

¤Skin problems.

¤The pattern of your period changes.

¤Tiredness.

I have an appointment with my doctor in a couple of weeks and I will tell him this. My anxiety has also been high lately and this can be the reason. I wonder what he will say about me stopping to take the medicine. WIN_20160614_17_48_23_Pro

Beauty

16/02/20174 Comments

Kajsa me and my mom are away for a couple of days. My mom has her birthday in a while and cause of that we decided to have ourselfs a mini vacation. We will spend it in a small town and do spa treatments among other things.

I like to get away for a while and have no “must do’s”. I find that it gives my soul a break when I don’t have to do things. My anxiety gets a couple of days off and that’s better than all medicines.

Kajsa has settled in perfectly. She’s used to stay in hotels. I often begin the “hotel stay” with a walk to let her feel where she is. Dogs are wonderful in how they just like how things are 20170216_140005

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Control

09/02/20171 Comment

My biggest first world problem is all about the tv. I don`t like when it`s broken or when there`s no good tv show on. If there`s no tv there`s nothing! The tv is the most important “furniture” for many and they almost build their houses around it. It`s mostly placed at the centre of every wall.

This is what my problem could be like.

-Where`s the remote control? (My heart races).

It`s not here.

Where is it!?

Not here either.

Where is it!!!!!!!?????????

Whatever it is I haven`t done it.

Where

it!?

My heart races faster.

-Everybody listen up. I`ve found it!

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-Calm down everybody. I found the remote and we can all continue to focus on the tv instead of speaking to each other.

Never

24/01/20171 Comment

I made the biggest mistake of my life some years ago. By that time I lived in the town I live in now and my depression was through the roof. I felt like I needed a change and decided to move to the place, which I`ll call”p”, where most of my relative on my mom`s side live. I thought the small village would help me in getting better. P is a place where everyone knows each other. I felt like that closeness would bring me calm.

My relatives helped me move. They moved my furniture and took it to my new flat. I had to clean the flat I had been living in and would go to P a couple of days later. The same day my two aunts met me at the train station in P I knew I had made a big mistake by moving there. “L” who is one of them went on and on about how they had spent the whole day making my flat ready for me to move in to. When I say on and on I mean it. She made me feel guilty that they had to help me. I never even asked them to do that. The whole car ride to my new flat she kept going. When we eventually got there she continued. I was exhausted when they left. This was just the beginning.

L thinks she is right in everything. She lives in this small village and everyone is afraid of her. She makes everyone`s business her own. If you don`t live your life according to her standards you will feel it. She has always had things to say about me. Everything from that I am spoiled (when I was a child) to I have too many clothes (all the time). Nothing about that is true.

I have always had the need to be alone sometimes. I love to have days when it`s just me and I have nothing to do. Especially when my depression is bad I need those days. That`s what made things go from bad to worse when I lived in P. L seemed to think that I should visit them everyday. Even if I had days where I couldn`t get out of bed because of my depression I had to go there. And when I was in her home I was on the edge the whole time because she would say hurtful things. When I began staying away from her she became this crazy person who made my life not easy to say the least.

There is much more to this story and I have to tell that later this week otherwise this post will get too long. There is much more crazieness to come!

L is crazier than me!

Fight

13/01/2017Leave a comment

I’ve had a hard time lately. My anxiety has been through the roof. I know why and because I’ve had my anxiety for so long I know it gets better. That’s one “good” thing about having had this illness such a long time.

When I was diagnosed with depression I was in a bad state. I spent my days in bed crying. I felt like closing my eyes and never open them again. I thought things would never get better. What made it better was that I found a reason to live. I began “dog sitting” and that made everything a little better. I will tell you about this dog in another post.

If you suffer from any kind of mental illness, don’t give up! I know it’s a struggle but you can’t give up. The best advice I can give to make it bearable is that you try to find something that keeps you going. I know what it’s like to be at the bottom of the “depression hole” and I know it can seem impossible to find something that brings some relief to the pain. As long as that something isn’t harmful to you anything goes.

I find it hard to talk about myself and because of that, going to a therapist used to be stressful to me. I hated to be in the therapist’s office and talk about how I felt. To make it easier I found that if I bought junk food and stayed up late at night after the “the talk about me” session it felt better. Stay up late and junk food is an harmless “something”. I think especially the greasy food helped.

This little girl gives me strength.

Feeling

06/12/201606/12/20164 Comments

I almost never write about my anxiety and depression. That`s not because I`m ashamed of it, it`s because I think it`s enough for me to feel those things. I`m that kind of person that don`t have the need to talk about it too. This blog is almost always about all things other than my depression. I write about the things that keeps me going and makes me happy. Sometimes though I feel like writing about it. The reason is that no one really talks about these things. Or, it do get talked about in tv shows and lectures for example but often not in real life. I know that`s different from person to person, but for me that`s how it is. Most of my relatives for example ignore how I feel. Not that I ever talk about it but it seems like they think that depression is something only weak people suffer from and “why don`t you just snap out of it”.

These illnesses are more common than most people think. For instance, many of my friends have some time in their life been depressed. No one knew at the time but later they have revealed it. Another example is a support group I went to briefly. Among the other participants were a former classmate of mine. I never would have known. Often you can`t tell only by looking at someone if they are depressed.

I always struggle with myself “should I write about this or not”. I know that if I don`t I contribute to the “ashamed feeling” concerning this. I will write about it sometimes and I hope it will help someone. There have been many hilarious things along the way and they deserve to be mentioned.

She gives me strenght.

Stress

18/11/2016Leave a comment

I have had a stressfull week. I have had meetings and things I needed to do. Now my anxiety is high and I`m tired. Tired is not the right word. I`m more on the other end of that word. I haven`t gone running much this week instead I have taken long walks to clear my mind. Kajsa is great when I`m feeling like this because it`s easier to take walks with her than to do it on my own.

I have to think about how I feel. I can`t have too much to do. If I try to do too much my anxiety will get out of hand. It`s important to be kind to yourself. When you don`t feel like doing something you don`t have to then don`t. That`s something that`s been hard for me to do. I have always wanted to be there for others and because of that I have forgotten

about my own feelings. I`m much better at saying no these days.

Kajsa's and Cecilia's world

This blog is about anything and everything. Kajsa my dog is in heaven now however she will always be in my heart and also have her name on the blog. I'll decided to only use Instagram for a while. Would like to see you there. cecilia.helin.39 in small letters.

Tag: Anxiety