I have lots to tell you. Not lots however explain where I’ve been. I have never told you why I suffer from anxiety and all that. It’s because of how my life was as a kid. My mom had a man who was an alcoholic. They lived together for most of my younger years. I don’t want to tell you too much about it because when I do my anxiety and everything I suffer from gets bad. That’s why I haven’t been able to write anything.
For some years I’ve been going to a center that treats mental illnesses. From the beginning I’ve wanted to come to terms with what I experienced when I was young but nothing has come from it. For example I’ve been seeing a therapist for a while. We have these meaningless conversations about everyday things. I’ve mentioned the alcoholic man and I’ve said I wanted to treat everything that came from that. Everytime I talked about it I’ve gotten more depressed and everytime the therapist didn’t do anything. Everytime I’ve also said it affected me too much to not do anything about it.
Now the therapist has said we can’t keep meeting because it leads no where. That’s because we have avoided the reason I feel bad. To talk about nothing instead of why I have all these feelings is why our talks leads no where.
We haven’t more than talked a little about the alcoholic man but it has made me more depressed than ever. That’s why I haven’t written anything. Now I think my therapist have gotten that I can never feel better without approaching the hard times. We’ll see.