Tag: Healthy

Mental vacation

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I had to take a mental vacation for a while. I was very tired and had to take a break from everything. I don`t feel better but my mental state is stronger. I haven`t done a lot and that is what mental vacation is. Not doing anything.

Kajsa always helps me when I feel depressed. Animals have that sense of knowing when you feel bad. She is my best friend and loves me for me. I can get these anxiety “attacks” and when I hug her they disappear.

Dogs are the best. They make you laugh. Everyone should be the way dogs are. For example they don`t dwell on everything like we do. I remember when we had a pie on the balcony. It was there to cool down after it had been baked. The balcony door was open and Kajsa went out and ate from it. She must have thought “How nice of you to make this for me. I was hungry.” Not wondering why the pie was there. Kajsa never gorges on food and she must have taken some of the pie chewed on it and then taken even more. Not a worry in the world! Not feeling stressed to eat the whole pie before we would find her.

Love her.

 

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Give me pie.

 

 

Wanting

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I am crazy mentally tired. It has been hard lately. Having a lousy therapist doesn’t help!

I don’t want to tell you the whole story but I’ve been without a therapist for a long time because of many reasons. I was happy when I got one a while ago. That happiness was short lived. My reasons for meeting with a therapist is to help with my anxiety and the behaviours it creates. This my therapist makes worse!

On all our appointments she has made clear that she doesn’t know if we can work together. I feel she means she doesn’t know if she likes me! I feel like I have to behave like she wants me to otherwise I’m out the door. That makes me angry. A therapist should be there for you and not say they don’t know if you can work together! Yesterday she almost made me cry from frustration. Not because we talked about something hard but because I felt her working against me. When we talk about anxiety her advice is only to cope with it. No advice on how to cope with it just that I have to cope. When you’re doing things to beat behaviours created by anxiety I feel like throwing up and fainting. To not know how to deal with that makes it hard to do. And the anxiety behaviours is the tip of lots of things that has to be treated first.

I’ve decided to not work with her anymore. I can’t have a therapist that makes me feel worthless.

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She is what makes me feel better.

Sadness

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I’ve had my depression a long time. I don’t know of a time I haven’t been sad. I’ve never been the “typical” depressed because I’ve managed work and friends. There isn’t a typical depressed but many non depressed think that. I write many because not at all every non depressed are like this.

I can laugh and make others laugh. I don’t want to talk about my depression and that gives many the impression I’m well. I’ve been depressed all this time and I’ve encountered lots of know it allers. Especially the “snap out of it” individuals.

A depression isn’t something you can pretend it doesn’t exists. Everyone feels bad from time to time but that often goes away after a while. Feelings of a “easier” depression must be something everyone has experienced. A clinical depression though is another thing. There is some substance missing and it doesn’t go away without help.

The snap out of it “helpers” think a depression is something you only think you have. I’ve heard lots of things from them. They think going on a diet or going for a walk makes you feel better. It doesn’t! If it did there would be no vegetables left in stores and everyone would walk all the time.

A depression can get better if you take care of yourself but what that is only you can decide.

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Cake makes everything easier.

 

Salad

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20170526_161858.jpgMake dinner is easy. When you know what to make. I think we all have struggled with what to make. I don’t know many times I’ve been standing in the kitchen looking through every cupboard for ideas.

During the summer I think it’s easier when you can eat salad. Salad is good all year round but it’s best when it’s warm. There’s many variations when it comes to salad. I often make a protein and carb filled salad because otherwise I don’t feel full. I could never only eat salad leafs!

The salad I like at the moment is chicken and pasta salad. I mix pieces of grilled chicken with lemon mayonaise and salt and pepper. That is tasty! The pasta is boiled and mixed with butter and salt and pepper.

The vegetables are fresh spinach, tomatoes, peppers, cucumber, olives and onion.

 

 

 

Rest

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I’ve been mentally tired for a while. My depression has made me more tired than normal. I’m always tired but recently I’ve been too tired to do anything. That’s when I have mental rests.

Mental rests are what they sound like. I don’t do anything that requires any complicated thinking. I surf around the net or watch stupid tv shows. I often don’t meet anyone during the rests. I often don’t like being around others anyway and when I’m mentally tired I have to be alone.

When you’re depressed or suffer from any mental illness you have to do what is best for you. I used to always be there for others or work overtime whenever it was needed. I never do that anymore. I used to think I had to listen to the most annoying friend go on and on about somethings because that’s what good friends do. Now I’ve instead got rid of these annoying friends (haha not got rid of in that way), which I didn’t like, and only have friends I like. Friends should make you happy! I never work more than I should. I know working overtime makes you a hardworking, but it makes me more depressed.

The most important is to do things that ease the depression. I eat what I want for one thing. I know being on a diet could make you feel better, but I’ve never experienced that. I feel worse if I can’t eat what I want. I’ve tried and it didn’t help. I have to eat lots to feel good mentally and because I exercise a lot I have to give my body fuel.

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Waxes

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I would very much love to have no hair on my legs. I do and I have lots of it. I think summer is hard because sometimes it’s that warm that you have to bare your legs. I could decide not to remove the leg hairs but that would be disrespecting others. The thought of having others be exposed to the dark hairs is not hilarious.

The least favourite way of removing hair is shaving. It’s the fastest way but for me it’s not perfect. I always get rashes and acne like spots on my legs when I shave. I use clean razors but the spots show up. The hair is gone but full of rashes. I’ve tried lots of razors but nothing has been successful.

The best thing is to wax. I’ve had it done at beauty salons and that’s fine but it costs a lot. I would happily pay if waxing removed the hair for all times but it doesn’t. That’s why I do it myself. The professionals do it faster but it doesn’t cost as much when you do it yourself.

There are some waxes to choose from. The most common are “liquid” waxes and wax strips. The liquid waxes come in a container you heat in a microwave. That is the best way to wax but it’s hard if you haven’t waxed before. Liquid wax removes hair better but it can get everywhere. I usually have wax all around me when I wax this way. It drips and sticks to surfaces. The strip wax is best if you’re not used to wax or don’t have much time to do it. It’s not effective when the hair is short.

Strip wax is wax on strips. The strips have wax on them and they stick together “two and two”. You rub your hands on the strips to warm them and then separate them and wax. I used this wax on my recent hair removal. Shelas. They were like all strip waxes but you couldn’t use the strips more than one “pull”. That had me going through many of them.

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Wrinkle

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I think the older I get the more skin products I have to have. I get that I use more than I have to but without products I feel another wrinkle coming. I also get that I can’t feel wrinkles coming but when you’re obsessed with skin care you think those things.

I have creme’s for every part of my face. Creme’s and serum’s. I have to have serum’s. That’s something I’ve been crazy about lately. Creme’s alone are not enough. Serum’s make all products work deeper.

I’ve tried many serum’s and my favorite is Vichy and their “Supreme” serum. It’s anti-everything. Anti-aging. Anti-pores. It’s magical for every skin type. My skintone gets more even and wrinkles get less prominant.

I give the serum 4/5. I give it a 4 because it’s expensive.

Pasta

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I love pasta. It makes everything taste good. I think pasta is under rated these days. Everytime it’s talked about it has to do with that it contains too much carbs. You need both carbs and protein but carbs have become something bad.

Like pasta I find comfort food under rated. Today all restaurants serve “new” food but it’s hard to find uncomplicated things. In Sweden we have something called “husmanskost” which is food that has been around for long. It’s food like boiled pork and fried pork with onion sauce. Everyone is crazy about it but it’s hard to get when you’re out to eat.

Pasta bolognese has become “husmanskost” and it’s no restaurant that serve it. They do but there is always something “new” to it. It can be that the sauce is made with pickled meat or onion and it doesn’t taste right. Today I made pasta bolognese. Simple bolognese. Minced beef with tomatoe puree, milk, cream and onions. I always use milk to make it into a sauce. Water is too thin I find. I used to add water but milk is better. Cream gives is a good taste.

I used to be bad at making bolognese sauce. Now I’ve learned and I think there are two important factors that makes a successful bolognese.

*”Boil” the liquid out of the minced meat before you add the rest of the ingredients.

*If you put tomatoe puree in the sauce let it cook for a while in the pan with the meat before adding liquid.

Delicious.

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Walk

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I`ve found a good way to exercise. Walking. I can`t run because of my cold that never stops. If I run my throat get sore and it`s not worth it. Walking is perfect. I walk fast and almost keep the speed I do when I run. It`s perfect for clearing your mind too. I get to think about things.

Kajsa loves it. She gets to smell things more when we walk. She gets tired even if we don`t run. I usually stop along the way and sit down with her. We sit and experience being there and then. To do nothing but only be is good for your mind. Kajsa needs to slow down and this is a good way to relax.

 

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Fluffy fur I know.

 

I want to run again but I don`t know when that will be. I feel healthy from time to time but when I run I get sick. It`s better to walk than not exercise at all.

 

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Those socks!

 

Laugh

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I’ve had a wonderful week. Not. I’m cutting down on an anti depressant medicine because I will stop take it. I will try another one but you have to stop taking the one you’re on before you can do it. I’ve stopped taking other medicines before but this is the worst one. This week I’ve had every disease there is because of this cutting down process! I’ve had everything from a cold to a fever and haven’t been able to do anything.

Other than that I’ve had a cold for two months. I am tired! I think my forever cold is because my thyroid isn’t working. I used to take medicines because of a my “broken” thyroid but I stopped taking them. Big mistake! You usually have to take thyroid medicine for the rest of your life.

Yesterday I “dropped in”to a doctors office because of my cold. You can drop in if you have a lighter disease you want help with. My cold was too light for them and I booked an appoinment with a doctor later. They will do not only a “cold exam” but also a thyroid exam. Hilarious times at the moment.

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The positive side to this is that my candy obsession is gone.