Control

My biggest first world problem is all about the tv. I don`t like when it`s broken or when there`s no good tv show on. If there`s no tv there`s nothing! The tv is the most important “furniture” for many and they almost build their houses around it. It`s mostly placed at the centre of every wall.

This is what my problem could be like.

-Where`s the remote control? (My heart races).

 

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It`s not here.

 

Where is it!?

 

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Not here either.

Where is it!!!!!!!?????????

 

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Whatever it is I haven`t done it.

Where

is

it!?

 

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My heart races faster.

 

-Everybody listen up. I`ve found it!

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-Calm down everybody. I found the remote and we can all continue to focus on the tv instead of speaking to each other.

 

 

 

Fight

I’ve had a hard time lately. My anxiety has been through the roof. I know why and because I’ve had my anxiety for so long I know it gets better. That’s one “good” thing about having had this illness such a long time.

When I was diagnosed with depression I was in a bad state. I spent my days in bed crying. I felt like closing my eyes and never open them again. I thought things would never get better. What made it better was that I found a reason to live. I began “dog sitting” and that made everything a little better. I will tell you about this dog in another post.

If you suffer from any kind of mental illness, don’t give up! I know it’s a struggle but you can’t give up. The best advice I can give to make it bearable is that you try to find something that keeps you going. I know what it’s like to be at the bottom of the “depression hole” and I know it can seem impossible to find something that brings some relief to the pain. As long as that something isn’t harmful to you anything goes.

I find it hard to talk about myself and because of that, going to a therapist used to be stressful to me. I hated to be in the therapist’s office and talk about how I felt. To make it easier I found that if I bought junk food and stayed up late at night after the “the talk about me” session it felt better. Stay up late and junk food is an harmless “something”. I think especially the greasy food helped.

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This little girl gives me strength.

 

 

Stress

I have had a stressfull week. I have had meetings and things I needed to do. Now my anxiety is high and I`m tired. Tired is not the right word. I`m more on the other end of that word. I haven`t gone running much this week instead I have taken long walks to clear my mind. Kajsa is great when I`m feeling like this because it`s easier to take walks with her than to do it on my own.

I have to think about how I feel. I can`t have too much to do. If I try to do too much my anxiety will get out of hand. It`s important to be kind to yourself. When you don`t feel like doing something you don`t have to then don`t. That`s something that`s been hard for me to do. I have always wanted to be there for others and because of that I have forgotten

about my own feelings. I`m much better at saying no these days.

Relax

I have been feeling more than stressed lately. I haven`t been able to relax. I thought about what I could do and decided to take a relaxation class. I have read that those things are good when you`re dealing with stress. The reason I just didn`t try to do this myself is that I haven`t had much experience in those things. I wanted someone to show me how it`s done.

I looked online for relaxation classes and found one. This was a couple of days ago and the class was yesterday. I decided to start the journey to the yoga studio, where the class was being held, early because I only sort of knew where it was at. I knew the area but not the exact location of the studio.

I took the train and I had to change to another train on the way in order to get to where I wanted. When I got to the station where I would change trains I realized the class was about to begin shortly. It had taken much longer than I had thought. And the train I waited for to take me the rest of the way weren`t due for some and if I had waited for it I would have missed the class. My stress level was through the roof at this point. I started walking instead but I knew that I would never make it in time that way.

I decided to get a taxi. Even if I wasn`t far away from the studio there was no way I could get there on my own. Now comes the next stress explosion. I hadn`t refilled my mobile and had no money to call a taxi company. I hysterically went in to a burger place and borrowed their phone.

The taxi came right away and after a couple of minutes the taxi drove me as far as it could. The studio was in an area with many apartment buildings and cars aren`t allowed to drive there. When I got out of the taxi I didn`t know where to go. I was hysterical and asked many people if they knew where the studio was. Finally I got there, not in time I might add.

Now comes the bit that made me want to cry. I rushed into the studio and because the other participants in the class already laid ready on the floor ready to begin I had to whisper that I was sorry I was late. The woman that was leading the class asked to see my receipt where it showed that I had payed. I booked the class a couple of days earlier and payed online at the same time. I didn`t bring the receipt and I thought I couldn`t participate. I felt the tears wanting to pour out because I had been so stressed to get there and when I got there the woman wanted me to show her a receipt.

I didn`t cry and I got to take the class. I would have enjoyed it more if I hadn`t had all the craziness before it.

(If you read another version of this it`s because the first one got deleted somehow. I had to write it again.)