Important

09/02/2021Leave a comment

I feel that we in the “first world” have problem we consider important.

*You’re in the grocery store. After a while in the queue the shopper in front of you put their things on the conveyor belt. When it’s your turn the cashier asks the person in front of you to put up a sign that the cashier is leaving and you have to go to the cashier beside it and of course queue a long time in that queue.

*In the grocery store you choose the cashier where there’s a shorter queue than to the other cashiers. Of course it turns out it was the wrong choice. In you’re queue there are old people paying not with cards but with money. They don’t pay with banknotes they pay with coins which takes forever.

*You buy frozen pizza. It turns out it takes longer to cook it than it says on the box. This makes you angry and you stare at the oven because you think that will make the pizza ready sooner. You have a long discussion with your partner about the time it said it would take to cook it. The world is collapsing but this pizza makes you more angry than that.

*You are buying soap but it turns out all the soaps have every color than the one you color you want. “I can’t have a pink soap in the bathroom. It doesn’t go well with the color of the towels”.

*There is one sausage missing in the sausage”pack”. Dinner is ruined.

Candy

08/02/202108/02/2021Leave a comment

I know I have to stop to eat candy. Or I don’t eat when it comes to candy I gorge. I didn’t know there was an english word for it. Gorge is what I do. If I’m hungry or feel whatever feeling out there I eat candy. Some can take one piece and they’re happy with that. I often eat ’til I feel sick. I don’ t have an eating problem and I don’t feel bad when I have had a bag of candy but I know it’s not good to stuff your self with sugar.

I often go for the most sugar filled candy. The candy that consist of 99 % sugar and 1 % of things I don’t want to know what they are. Most buy one bag of candy and eat everything before they get another bag. I buy bag after bag of candy to not run out of it. Every bag weighs around 1 kilo. I go though lots of bags. I don’t want to think about how much sugar that is. I wonder what would happen if I suddenly stopped eating candy. I would probably loose all energy.

The pick and mix department in the grocery store is my favorite place in the store. I could stay there a long time to “compose” the perfect bag of candy. The more sugar the candy seem to have in it it’s what I put in the bag. I often think I’ve put more than enough in the bag but I don’t care.

Buying

04/02/2021Leave a comment

-We just got 4 liters of milk left!

-Oh no! We are two members in this family and drink little milk but just 4 liters! We must buy ten more liters to last one day.

-I rent a lorry so we can buy all the milk in the store.

(That’s what happens when everyone buy food without any idea of what’s in fridges and cabinets.)

Favorites

29/01/2021Leave a comment

I feel that you can’t do much about your mental health. You take your pills your doctor has prescribed. You see your psychologist. I do what I’m supposed to do. I don’t feel it helps with anything actually but I have to trust the professionals. I think I would feel even more ill if I didn’t do what they tell me to. That’s why I do what they tell me.

I’m convinced you can do something when it comes to the physical side though. My advice is to do what ever makes you feel good. If it doesn’t hurt anyone do it. My favorite thing is to treat myself to cake and food I love. I don’t like to cook but when I make something I try to cook my favorite food. I also like to buy cakes, candy and everything I find delicious. I don’t drink alcohol or smoke. I try to eat healthy but it’s not funny never treating yourself to anything.

The bread “departement” in the grocery store I buy the main part of my food in has lots of delicious treats. They have bread of course but it’s the sweet treats that interests me. I feel my depression getting less painful when I look and smell all the cakes and candy. I often buy lots of different cakes to have many sweets to choose from at home. I don’t over eat or anything but a piece of cake a day makes everything better.

Milk

25/01/202125/01/2021Leave a comment

I have a first world problem for you.

-I just drank a glas of milk that had it’s expiration date yesterday!

-Oh no. What should we do? We have to call for an ambulance. I tell them you had a day old milk. That will have them put you first and they will prioritize you before heart attacks and those things.

-There is an emergency number you can call when you think you’ve been poisoned. I feel weak do you think I will have to have surgery?

-Probably.

Dinner

24/01/202125/01/2021Leave a comment

I’m that type of person that cook just because I have to. I’m the one in the household that find making dinner fine but nothing more than that. The rest of the family finds it painful, in lack of a better word. I’m also that type of person that walks around aimlessly in grocery stores without any idea what to buy. I never have any idea or get any idea of what to buy. I look at shelves of food but all I see is nothing. I don’t like to cook and all the food screams “takes too long to cook” or “to make that I have to buy lots of another ingredients”. I often find myself buying processed food like ready made meatballs.

Today I made an effort and actually made dinner from scratch. It’s very simple to make. Spaghetti bolognese. The ingredients I use in my bolognese are of course pasta. For the sauce I mix minced meat, tomatoe puree, onions, milk, whipping cream and spices.

I know it’s not a fancy dinner but for all of you struggling with what to cook it’s an idea for what to make. I don’t like raw vegetables and I serve my dinner with fruit instead. This is kiwi fruit. I think lots of fruits are delicious. I need some vitamine C to go with my dinner.

President

20/01/2021Leave a comment

I would like to take a moment and write about the president inaugurallition. Is that right, inaugurallition? I’m all for Biden. You go man. Lady Gaga did a beautiful job singing the american national anthem. The high notes were perfect. We joked that she would come out in nothing but underwear making it into a big show like she usually does. Then Biden and his nearest friends would get heart attacks.

You saw Biden and his inner circle of friends and also his fellow politician colleagues. They look like people living in a retirement home having a field day. I don’t mind Biden and lots of polititians respectable age but this was fun. One former politicioner looked like he was sleeping. Many walked like they could use a walking stick.

There was a man who had one of the more important job this day. He sanitized the lectern where the speaches was being held. After every speaker he appeared from now here cleaning the lectern surface.

Biden doesn’t have a little to correct in USA from now on. He must heal not just USA but also heal the view the rest of the world has on the country. He is the right man.

Pain

18/01/20212 Comments

I think it’s right to tell you why I was hospitalized. I had to put Kajsa, my dog, down. She was severely ill and there was nothing else to do. She was sick for a long time. At the end she was in and out of veterinary clinics where she spend days getting emergency care. She had problems with her intestines. Chronic inflammation. They did tests on her and found she had inflammation in her bowls. We tried medicins but they didn’t make it better if anything it got worse. She puked or had diarrea.

Kajsa was sick the main part of her life however the older she got her illness got worse. The last year she was seriously ill but I couldn’t even think the thought she had to be put down. I couldn’t think of myself without her. Some months ago I had to let her go. To keep her alive cause I didn’t want to loose her would have been abuse considering the state she was in. I cried for days before I went to the vet. It was unbearable the whole thing. The day we went to the vet I felt the worst pain I have ever felt. Everything in me screamed ‘don’ t do it’ but I had to. She fell a sleep on my knee. The vet gave her an overdose of what it is they give them. She was gone. I screamed and cried and didn’t want to leave her. That evening I cried the whole time. I didn’t want to live. Not without Kajsa. She was my reason for living.

The next day I was emotionally exhausted. My tears fell constantly. Nothing could make me happy. I felt I needed help other wise I would have ended it all. I went to the psychiatric emergency room and got help.

I love you Kajsa. I will never forget you.

Help

16/01/202116/01/2021Leave a comment

I have not written anything lately. You know how bad I’ve felt. Everyone has a limit when enough is enough. My limit was crossed a while ago. I cried all the time. I didn’t eat or do much. I felt I didn’t want to be around anymore. I felt like I was slowly dying. It sounds drastic however that how it was.

This went on for a while until I felt “I need help”. I rather die than burden anyone but I felt I’m too young to leave this life already. I took a taxi to an psychiatric emergency room. Because of all restrictions I had to wait outside for hours before I got to talk to some nurses. I was shivering because it was that cold. I thought many times to leave because of the cold. I tried to keep warm but I felt like I would die from the cold. After these long and cold hours I got to go inside and speak to what I think was nurses. They asked me questions and I cried through it all. They got how I felt and I got to go to a warm waiting room. I had to wait for hours to see a doctor but after the wait in the cold I didn’t care. The doctor said he could have me hospitalized to help with my pain. That’s what I wanted. It was in the middle of the night by now and I was “happy” to get a room.

I have to say that being hospitalized isn’t bad at all. When you don’t have the strength to cook or do anything you get all that done for you by someone else. I was in hospital for a long time. I will write more about it but I leave it for now. If you wondered where I’ve been now you know. I’m out of hospital talking my time to get better.

Flawless

14/09/2020Leave a comment

I know we all have this idea that everyone around is perfect. Especially those we pass when we’re out and about. We know how most of our family and friends are doing however everyone else seems to have a perfect life. I know that I feel like an outkast sometimes because I am sad and everyone else seem happy. I struggle not to cry at the same time as everyone laughs and have a busy life.

No one has an idea of how I feel. Everyone see me as flawless. I never look sad. I wear make up. When I tell someone of my depression they don’t know what to do. They have this picture of what mental ill persons looks like which is not right. There are those you can see suffer from illnesses however the biggest part of us looks like we feel well. I have a friend who’s more than beautiful. She’s depressed.